It's time! To- what now?
by Kitsune-Dama
Summary: "So, you want ME, to battle a rich, successful business tycoon, in a children's card game, of which that same CEO built an amusement park for the very same game, where they attempted public MURDER because they are a sore loser, and you expect me to WIN against them?" "Indeed." "I think you know my answer." "Would you do it for a Scooby-Snack?" "... Make it two, and we have a deal-"
1. Hi ma, I'm a Children's Trading Card!

**Yes, I know the thought process of everyone out there- 'You barely have enough time, and you already barely write new chapters for your already EXISTING stories; so why make a new one?'; well, if I was being completely honest, I get bored of writing at points, and so I stop until I get motivational again, and write new material for it.**

 **And the absolute lack of any good Yu-Gi-Oh stories on this site that don't involve Joey x Kaiba, or Yugi x Yami, or some other third gay pairing, gave me motivation to write my OWN- and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Yaoi or anything, but when I can't find a** ** _single damn story that ACTUALLY INVOLVES DUELING_** **, I get a bit pissed off.**

 **And, not gonna lie, I took a bit of inspiration from one of the ONLY good Yu-Gi-Oh stories I found, 'Skin' by Usagi Squared(Very good read- a must have for any decent reader(It's also over 1.8 million words long, so, you know- very long read if you're looking for things to read.).); not ONLY is it not a Yaoi pairing, but it involves dueling(Eventually...!) and is well written, and it ALSO follows through with the actual Manga, and not just the Anime! It's what had me actually go read the Manga in the first place... Word of warning: Absolutely nothing like the Anime... I also laughed my ass off first time I saw Yami- go see for yourself if you want to know what I'm talking about.**

 **ANYWAYS- like I said before, took inspiration from the story, so if you've read it before, you should know what 'Inspiration' I'm talking about. But again, digression- the next chapter for... Whatever I called the Naruto Crossover(I cant be bothered to remember EVERYTHING I write-) will be up this month, already working on it, so stay pumped, worship your Senpai, and enjoy reading!**

"And that, is game." I told Carnage as he dropped his cards and sighed. "Dude, how the hell are you so good at this shit- you didn't even have a deck this time when you arrived, and just grabbed a few booster packs and made a deck from their!" I shrugged as I picked up my deck and stood from the table. "I think it's less about how good _I_ am, and more about how terrible _you_ are." "Oi!"

We were both outside of Hueco Mundo, and instead found ourselves resting in a small game shop located in Kyoto City(Inside Gigai's, of course- wouldn't due to have somebody who couldn't see you sitting down in your lap!... Learned my lesson the last time from Kevin Spacey's fat ass.), a plain building with no real aesthetically pleasing traits or interesting background(Grey walls, shelves stocked with assortments of board games, card games, and even a few video games, with a few wooden tables scattered across the front entrance to allow people to sit down and play the games they buy-) playing a little game that's become actually quite popular as of the recent years, and is only increasing in popularity with world wide TOURNAMENTS.

If you're stupid(Like me.) and couldn't figure out what we were playing by now, it's Duel Monsters.

"I am not that bad! In fact, I could have went to regionals if I so chose to… Which I didn't, but only because I didn't want to!" The man across from me huffed and crossed his bare arms across his chest.

We were both inside Gigai's, so our original outfits wouldn't really be suited towards going 'Outside'(A concept most foreign to me, I'll admit.), so we changed them out for something more fitting. Carnage was just wearing a pair of grey sweatpants, sneakers, a black wife beater, and shades(Not that you could really see them because of the hair, but, you know… They're there.), while I opted for an orange long sleeved shirt, baggy black jeans, tennis shoes, and the standard Arrancar jacket over the shirt, but left unzipped.

I also contemplated bringing some form of sunglasses today(The sun was pretty bright up in the sky-), but just decided against it(I already get tack for my hair, I don't need to be wearing a completely white fucking jacket with shades to complete the ensemble of a 'Punk'.). Kind of wish I hadn't, though, as my unruly hair was starting to grow a bit too long and was constantly getting in the way of my eyesight, making me have to blow it out of my face every other minute to ensure it didn't cover up _both_ my eyes.

Damn me and my emo phases and my subsequent hatred for all things barber shop-

… Is that racist of me to say in front of the black, or stereotypical?

Eh, whatever.

"If that's what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, I won't stop you." I smirked as he fumed and I started to make my way out of the shop. "Anyway, I have to leave- places to do, bitches to go, etc. etc." I waved over my shoulder as he dropped his head onto the table, groaning as I left the shop.

"Almost feel bad for the poor guy- if only he would learn that I can clearly see his hand from the reflection of the window behind him." Of course I couldn't feel too bad for him- I would have actually told him about this each time we dueled if I felt that much for him. Oh well, all's fair in duel monsters and being a jackass." "Hm, indeed." I stopped on the sidewalk, as I turned to see who had answered back at me.

"... Flamboyant, long hair, pretty boy face… Are you here to steal my money, or preach about the fabulousness of the Spice Girls?" "Oh, no, none of that… Well, maybe a little of the latter, but only after I discuss what I came here for." And just what in the _hell_ could Maximillion freaking _Pegasus_ possibly want from a hick like me?" I questioned with my hands in my pocket as I looked at the man who had literally created the game I had just finished playing. "Ah, I would simply love to tell you why I came to you, but this sidewalk is a little too-" Not private? Yeah, yeah, heard it all a thousand times before. Got any specific place in _mind_ then, because it might not actually look like it, but I have shit to do, bitches that need to be told to make sandwiches, all that jazz." "Ha ha, yes, I do a place in mind, if you wouldn't mind following me." "I'd say I do mind, but I think if this really _was_ a mugging, I'm self assured I could take you out in one punch."

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait, hold up; you're saying you will _custom build_ me a deck, with cards that I get to CREATE, just because you have been watching over small game shops across the globe, looking for someone to beat this over confident whipper snapper, in a _children's card game_ , and I fit the description for such a job perfectly?" "That about sums it all up, yes." Pegasus nodded and drank from his margarita as we rode on in his(Rather expansive-) limousine.

"So why do you want me to kick this poor kids ass, again?" "Mm. This must be a stupid question, but have you heard about the _Death-T_ fiasco?" That _was_ a stupid question to ask- if I had actually known what in the hell that was, I'm sure. "For plot convenience, let's go ahead and say I _haven't_." He sighed and set down his drink once again, having one of the guards sitting in the far back(This thing really _was_ expansive-) refill it for him and then immediately go back out of hearing range. "Death-T, otherwise known as 'Death Theme Park' was a multi-billion yen operation here in Japan, over in Domino City, in the form of 'Kaiba Land', acting as a family friendly gaming center with all of the latest kinds of technologically advanced games and entertainment for the masses; but was, in reality, a death trap waiting to be sprung to murder a specific target in the most grueling ways possible." "... So someone literally spent _billions_ , just to kill one person…?" "You underestimate the deep seeded _contempt_ someone such as Seto Kaiba can hold." "And let's go over why you picked _me_ specifically, again, for this paramount suicide attempt-" The man just sighed as he tried to drink from his cup again, only to blink as he realized he had already downed it beforehand(Yeah, I tend to have that effect on people.). "Let me assure you, I would love nothing more than to do it myself, but I do believe if I tried, I wouldn't even make it past the front _door_." I whistled appreciatively at that much aggression. "Hot _damn_ , Peg-Boy, what the hell did you do to piss them off that much- it's not like you kidnapped this Seto persons only next of kin, which then forced them to come out of some kind of deep coma they had been in for quite a while, just to deal with your shit and then ended up losing a _soul_ to you in a children's card game, right?"

"... I already know the answer, but I have to inquire anyway; do you read _minds_?" "No, I'm just a very, very, _very_ good guesser who frequently breaks the fourth wall to google shit." "... Well anyways, any _more_ questions you wish to ask before I send you off on your journey-" Yeesh, already expecting me to say yes; this guy was cocky(Though, to be fair, he did seem _intimately_ familiar with that certain organ of a man-). "Yeah, several actually- first off, you still haven't told me EXACTLY why you picked me, and then, on top of that, if you wanted someone to beat this kid, why not just use the one brat that beat YOU that also apparently has beaten the Seto kid before as well, and then I still don't even know why I'm dueling this punk in the first place!" I waved my hands in the air as I took out a flask from my pocket and started drinking from it. Pegasus just glanced at the flask and then back to my face. "Aren't you a bit too _young_ to be dri-" I cut the man off by holding up a finger and continued to down the drink.

Yeah- he just got _Archered_.

Not sure if that's a noun or not, but I'm making it one if it wasn't.

"Okay, needed that, now get on with the answers old man, I ain't got all day- I have a date later on." Jill is just _so_ demanding, I couldn't afford to be late(For fear getting blue balls for the rest of all time.). "Of course, I wouldn't want to interrupt the date you have with your _hand_." "Hey!" "Anywho, to answer your first question, I needed someone as close in age as possible to young Kaiba; it wouldn't do to have some middle aged, fat, American slob champion win, it would just be unsporting… Plus send a few mixed _signals_ to Kaiba when the poor bastard says I sent him over in my stead. And you seem to be the perfect age for this, you're what, 14, 15?" "Give or take a few centuries…" "What was that?" I said yeah, I'm around that age." "Splendid. As for your second question, little Yugi would be a horrid option to send in my place- Seto absolutely DESPISES the chap, and I have a feeling that I'd be better off going myself instead of sending _him_. No, too many negative feelings between the two would send off the wrong message, and I need to be _sure_ to get through to young Kaiba." "So you send in a _random variable_ that has, at best, a DECENT SKILL in dueling with marginal chances of success in beating one of the TOP PLAYERS IN JAPAN?!" I yelled as I started pulling my hair out.

This guy was fucking _stupid_ , and he was making my brain work far too much for it's extremely small capacities!

"Ah, but I quite like the odds these 'Random Variables' give nowadays. Let's just say I have a hunch you will acquire victory over Seto Kaiba in your duel." " _Right_." I said, not at all convinced as I pulled another flask from my pocket. "And now, onto the most _important_ question of today; WHY." Pegasus watched me drink silently for a minute before he finally answered. "Believe it or not, me and Kaiba were once on relatively good terms; you might even go so far as to say very close acquaintances. Kaiba Corp and Industrial Illusions were going to go into business together for the duel monsters games, but, ah, well-" "Your silly little tournament happened, and you wanted control of Kaiba Corp but you couldn't target the actual owner at the time, so you went after the _family_ of the owner, so that they'd have to go after you themselves to get them back, at which point they would fail, you dispose of the owner, and the subsequent heir to the proverbial 'Throne', leaving you with almost full ownership of the then headless organization." "I, you, how?!" Pegasus was just staring at me, mouth open, eye wide with shock as he stared at me dumbfounded. "Oh please, what ELSE were you planning on doing with a kid, of all people? The only real value those two could hold was the only thing they probably have left- the corporation they owned. It doesn't take a genius to guess _that_."

Slowly, but surely, Pegasus's face transformed into a pleased smirk, no doubt thinking to himself that he had, indeed, found a worthy person for the task he had on hand.

Not like I knew what that task even _was_ yet, but hey… Eh, I got nothing else to add.

"Indeed. And while I won't tell you my reasoning behind that, rather _selfish_ , conquest of mine, I will tell you it was what made Kaiba hate me above almost all other beings- not only for trying to the corporation, but also Mokuba, the littlest Kaiba. Which," He sighed here and suddenly looked as old as his hair indicated he should be. "Brings me to why I needed you in the first place; Kaiba… Kaiba has _changed_ \- not just from what I have done, but from all that has happened over the years. And _that_ , needs to change."

Change change with change? That's a change(Hate myself for that joke.)

"Alright, I won't initially say you're crazy- but you should probably start explaining before I do." "You see, Kaiba has been forced for nearly over a decade to train under the former owner of Kaiba Corp, Gozaburo Kaiba, to become his heir. And when it finally became too much, Kaiba took reign of the company over Gozaburo, causing an… _Unpleasant_ accident, resulting in Kaiba being the sole person who could take control of Kaiba Corp- and then, if that wasn't enough, a year or so after that, Kaiba has a chance encounter with, you guessed it, _Yugi_ , which was far from pleasant, and so, Kaiba spent months after that raging, plotting, and _craving_ Yugi's death, leading to Death-T being built- where Kaiba then attempted, and subsequently failed, to murder Yugi and his friends, ending up _in a coma_ for the effort. Then, wakes up half a year later, only to find out Mokuba had been _kidnapped_ and now needed to be rescued, so a trip later, Kaiba was at my island, fighting to get to where I and Mokuba were, only to have to risk _life and limb_ , LITERALLY, to hopefully beat Yugi in a duel to get the chance to save Mokuba, leading to an actual VICTORY- which was short lived as I soon, ah, took Kaiba's soul along with his brothers. Which made Kaiba have to get rescued by the one person that's despised more than ME, Yugi."

"... Sounds like a hard knock life-" "Please, refrain from making orphan references in front of Seto when you meet." "No promises." " _Ugh_ \- ANYWAY, your job, if you choose to accept it, is to ensure Seto Kaiba knows that, even though the Duelist Kingdom thing kind of, _happened_ , there is still no bad blood between us Kaiba Corp. and Industrial Illusions, nor Seto and me. You are to do so by beating Seto in a duel, using the cards you are to be provided- after you _create_ them, anyway- which will land you Seto's interest, enough to allow you two to converse- even _if_ only for a short while, and, as an extra precaution, I will tell you what I know of Seto's playstyle and deck to ensure you are readily prepared to face off against-" "Yeah, yeah, keep all that malarky to yourself, all I need is the deck, and I'll be sure to go. "... I'll admit that when I picked you up, you didn't seem the type to be _arrogant_ , but I have been wrong before." "It's not arrogance, Peg-Boy, I just don't want to know what I'm up against, makes it more _thrilling_." "... You're just using this as an excuse to lose better to prove me wrong, aren't you?" "What? No, no no no no no NO!... Yeah, I totally am. But before I go and get this shit over with so I can get the deck and battle this Kaiba kid, anything else you want to say?" "Yes, actually. Here, he seemed to hesitate before apparently just deciding to say 'Fuck it'. "I want to admit, that all of this is just a ruse for the _real_ objective of this duel- you are to still do everything else I told you, and you are to still win, but…" Here, he leaned in and whispered to me what he wanted to say, causing my eyes to droop slightly. "... 'lly?" "Yes- I know it's absurd, but it must be done; for the sake of both Seto, and everyone that chooses to get on the Kaiba's bad sides." "Well, I _was_ just going to fail, but, I suppose I'll give this thing a shot." "Excellent!" Pegasus clapped happily, and suddenly, I was being held down by two of his guards.

"The hell-" "Oh, another thing; Yugi-Boy is no doubt about to be caught up in events far over his head, which also means by example, Seto is going to charge headfirst into said events as well, if only to be proven superior to Yugi, so I just thought 'Oh, what the heck?' and decided to put _you_ in the front row to both witness, and PARTICIPATE in those events as well!" Pegasus exclaimed as he took a handkerchief out of his coat pocket and started to walk towards me.

"Wait, no, NO- I don't want to lose my cherry!" I left out the fact I didn't actually _have_ , a cherry anymore, but still- whatever works to not get raped, em i rite?

"Nonsense, I don't want to partake in your _fruit_ … Well, not TOO much, anyway. Now, this might pinch a _bit_ -"

* * *

No, it pinched like a crab using it's pincers on my genital-

After the impromptu _torture session_ , the rich bloke kicked me out of his limousine, telling me he would meet with me in a week's time to go over the cards I would make for my own deck, which he would then craft into actual cards(Being the CEO of the world's main card manufacturer had its perks, apparently-), give me the next day, and then set up a meeting with Kaiba Corp the very next day, in which a 'Representative'(AKA: Me.) of IL2 would meet up with Seto Kaiba to try and smooth things over between the two corporations.

 _Yeah…_

This wasn't going to go well.

I scratched my nose as I walked across the hall to get to the Kaiba Corp's CEO office and checked my pocket to make sure my newly crafted deck(Mmm. Still has that new card smell-) was in there, along with my other… Provisions(I.E. Around a dozen flasks, filled to the brim with different types of alcohol to make this meeting go smoother-), before I finally got to the office.

"Okay, Uxukie, you, can DO THIS!" I hyped myself as I grabbed the knob and opened the door.

Only to come face to chest with the apparent 'Teen' owner of the entire Kaiba Corporation.

 _You cannot do this, you cannot do this!_

No one mentioned this guy was going to be over six feet fucking tall and intimidating as fuck!

 _Or that 'This guy' was a 'This lady'_!

Though, even if I could tell(I've seen enough Animes to know a crossdressing woman when I see one-), with that kind of outfit, not one else would be able to- in fact, the only REAL reason I knew it was a chick was because, even in this Gigai of mine, I still had fairly enhanced senses that could sniff out the pheromones this lady was giving off.

The more you know.

"Can I help you?" I was knocked from my reverie as the(Rather androgynous-) voice of one Seto Kaiba asked me politely(Even though the tone basically said 'What the hell do you want'-) what I was doing. "Oh, yes!" I quickly straightened from my slouched position(God damn it, I still wasn't taller-) as I held out my hand. "I am Mu Setsumei Uxukie, and, seeing as how I have absolutely no other way of saying this, I am the representative of Industrial Illusions, and my boss has asked me to duel you in the 'Duel Monsters' game."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... I take it this is absolutely nothing like you had planned, isn't it?" "To say the least, _yes_." "Ah, yeah, kind of figured, but boss man has told me it is imperative we dueled, and seeing as how we both know this whole representative thing is a farce, let's just cut out the middleman and begin what I actually came here to do, yes?" "And just _why_ should I even entertain that thought?" "... Um, because you're lonely and have nothing better to do right now?" "Security-" "Wow, wow, wait, hold up! Hear me out!"

I ran out in front of Kaiba so they(I'm not gonna use pronouns for fear of retaliation against gender equilic people everywhere- not that I'm afraid of what they'll do, I just really don't feel like putting up with their shit.) couldn't get past, and in turn, summon the big, overly stupid muscle heads they call 'Guards' that will no doubt throw me out of the building painfully(And by painfully, I mean break both my legs and then throw me off the roof.). "I wouldn't just come here, willy nilly and all, hoping against hope that you'd accept my proposition without ensuring it would be worth your time beforehand!" "You mean like you just did?" "Exactly- wait, no! I come with an offer!" Quickly fishing around in the pocket NOT filled to the brim with alcohol(Which I knew I would be downing very shortly after this meeting was over-), I found what I was looking for and pulled it out to show right in front of Kaiba's face.

"A… Card?" "Ah, but not just ANY card! You see, my boss knows things- _things I'd like not to know, most of the time though_ \- but among those things, he happens to know that a certain duelist is in possession of some great and mystical _childrens trading card_ that, apparently, can rip apart the Earth as we know it!... Totally not full of shit there- but anyway, he also knows that certain someone is going to ALSO be going after two OTHER cards, to complete the entire, mythical _collection_. And all these cards are apparently extremely powerful, and not to be reckoned with and blah blah _blah_ \- look, he gave me a surefire way to win against these 'God card' things, and has told me to give you it should you agree to my terms." The man… lady, _thing_ in front of me paused to consider as I continued on. "But, should you lose, you are also to give me an audience to speak to you on behalf of Maximillion Pegasus himself- and don't _worry_ , I was explicitly told not to use the same card I am to give you in our duel."

Well, I was actually explicitly told to _utilize the FUCK_ out of the card, but what Peg-Boy don't know only makes me laugh harder.

She/He seemed about to just call security again to throw me out of the building(This time REALLY from the roof of the building now that I said I come from _Pegasus_ -), but they finally relented. "Alright, I'll duel you- but don't actually expect to _win_." "Funny, that's the exact same thing I told Pegasus-" I mused, more to myself than She/He over there as I was told to follow as we made it to the elevator and took it up to the last floor(Wasn't a long trip, the office was second to last on the stops in this building-).

"Wow, being rich sure does have it's perks." I spoke as we finally entered the room we would be having our duel in. It was expansive(As was everything else I found myself in recently- must be a rich folk thing.), caked in light blue walls and a glass ceiling to allow the sky to be seen, with a white, seemingly high-tech battleground on the floor of the entire thing(For what purpose, I had no damn.), with bleachers over on the side and a MASSIVE flat screen on the end of the room, apparently there to show what would happen on the battleground at different angles for those in the bleachers to see…

Not that I actually knew what that would BE, but still.

"Seto!" A rather high pitched voice yelled as I turned to see a midget(Or a child- I was never good at guessing between the two. Not since that birthday party… _Not my fault the damn midget looked like he wanted a hug from Spongebob_ -) run towards us from the bleachers. "Mokuba." Seto nodded stiffly as the kid ran up and hugged his older bro- _sibling_ (This was getting real old, real fast.). "Anyway, I don't want you in my presence any longer than you already have been, so lets get this duel over with already." Hmph. _Rude_. Mokuba just looked confused as he asked why he-she-whatever was dueling me.

"I made a deal with your sibling here, and it just so happens to involve a duel monsters game, and speaking of-" I turned from both of them to scan the entire room, finding no satisfactory place for what we had in mind."So, what; we going to the bleachers to play or something, because I don't see any tables-" I didn't get to speak the rest of my thoughts as a giant metal and plastic toy- _thing_ \- slammed into my face, causing me to curse and drop to the ground. " _Son of a_ -" "No, we will be dueling with my new prototype _Duel Disks_!" She/He finished that sentence off by slipping on her/his disk onto her/his left arm. "... Duel _what_?" The owner of Kaiba Corp just scoffed and walked over to the far side of the field, as the kid moved over to the bleachers, seemingly eager over the prospect of watching his sibling duel(And no doubt utterly curb stomp the opposition- AKA me.). "It's simple, really- even a _dog_ could use it." "Well excuse me for being worse than a dog, your _highness_ , so you'll have to show me how to utilize it, cupcake." I didn't fail to notice the way Mokuba started to look worried after what I said, or how he looked at the now very stiff looking Kaiba.

So no one was supposed to know, huh?

"Hmph, whatever. This is how you use it-" Had to give this Kaiba kid credit- didn't get fazed too much by that outburst and just moved on. But, as Kaiba finally managed to get even someone like ME to know the basics, I digressed-

"Well then, I guess it's time to DUEL!" I yelled as we both pulled out five cards and the duel started. "Now, I'd usually say _ladies first_ -" This got both of the people in the room to stiffen very uncomfortably(Ha! Paybacks a bitch!). "-But all I see in front of me is a arrogant asshole with an ego the size of Jupiter, so I suppose that'll have to do." They both relaxed slightly at that(Though Mokuba appeared ticked at that little jab-) as Seto drew a card to start her/his turn.

"I guess it's my turn." Seto replied as she/he quickly glanced at the card that was just drawn, before making a move. "Alright, I'll place one card face down in defense mode and then set down a card in my magic zone." To my immense surprise(And delight-), two actual cards appeared on the field, one from where the monster zone should be, and one directly behind it, where the magic and trap cards should be.

"Holy hell- no wonder this company is good and rich." I said out loud as Seto ended her/his turn, and so it was mine. "Uh, draw?" I questioned more than said as I moved my hand to draw from my deck, only to have the card on top all but shoot out at me- but luckily I caught it before it could tip off the deck and fall. "Man, this is gonna take some getting used to." I scratched my head with the arm that had the duel disk as I looked over the cards in my hand. _Maaaaaaaaaybe_ I should have taken that information Pegasus was willing to dish out to me…

"Pfffft, yeah right." I spoke to myself as I grabbed a card and played it. "Well here goes nothing- let's go, Devouring Beast(Two Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 1000/1000)!" I roared as I slammed(Even in Gigai, in retrospect, should probably avoid doing that from now on-) the card in the monster zone, with it soon appearing on the field with it's own roar, startling both the of the Kaiba siblings. "What on Earth- what kind of monster is that?" Kaiba demanded as the mid-sized ape masked Hollow just grunted and stood there, looking stupid(Not like I really expected more from a Devouring Beast-). "Ah, THIS is a new type of monster altogether- it is part of the Spirit category of monsters now! " I declared as I waved my hand in the air. "These new 'Spirits' are one of a kind, and very special- how special you ask? Well, aside from me-" I grinned and pointed to myself with my thumb. "-No one else has them, and besides the people in this room, no one even knows they EXIST, all thanks to Industrial Illusions." Seto just grunted and looked back at my monster, not showing anything, though there was a bit more caution in her/his eyes now over before, no doubt wary of what these things could do, because she/he had no idea what they could do.

"Ah, but enough about MY monster- I want to get to know your monster more intimately!" I grinned and pointed over to the face down monster on Seto's side of the field. "Let's go, you stupid waste of space, SPINE WHIP!" The ape just grunted again, before its spine started to grow, and finally spurt out of it's back, causing both of the Kaiba's to go wide eyed and even Mokuba to go a bit green in the face, as it groped around for it, then finally, as it got a hold of it, it reared it's hand back, causing it to fully rip out of it's back, and sent it flying over to the face down card. "Hmph. A bad play on your end." Seto just watched casually as the spine attempted to rip through the card, but a hand reached out and grabbed it, and threw it back at the user, causing the ape to groan as it's own spine hit it's face.

"Saggi the Dark Clown." I clicked my tongue as the monster appeared face up now, in it's full glory. "With a defense of 1500, that's a 500 point difference…" "Oh? So the mutt can do math thankfully?" Seto smirked condescendingly as she looked at our life points, only to frown. "Wait-" "What, you think I would be stupid enough to attack an unknown monster with one that only has 1K? Nah. My Devouring Beasts special ability doesn't allow for it- all battle damage involving this card is zero; sadly, that also goes for direct attacks, so he can't do damage, but he's got other tricks up his sleeve." I smiled a smile so full of mischief, it would put the cheshire cat's grin to shame as I put two cards down on the field and ended my turn.

Seto just grunted and drew another card, looking down at it for but a second before she/he played it. "I'll play Pot of Greed to draw another two cards-" And she/he did just that, before moving on with her/his turn. "And then I'll activate Thunder Dragon's special effect; by discarding it to the graveyard, I can bring two MORE Thunder Dragons to my hand from my deck!" Putting the card in the graveyard, the Duel Disk spit out two cards, which she/he proceeded to grab. "And then I'll play Lord of D.!"

The glare she gave me after she spoke told me I shouldn't have laughed at that.

"Which I'll lead into playing The Flute of Summoning Dragon!" Aaaaaaaah, _fuck_. "And I think you know which two monsters I'm gonna summon." The giant _thunder_ _snakes_ kind of told me in place of her. "And now, I think I'll switch Saggi into attack position, and then ATTACK!" All of her monsters started charging towards the ape(Who looked five seconds away from shitting itself-) and got very close, before I decided to spring my trap. "Activate trap card, Rank Requirement…?" I trailed off awkwardly, not sure how to play the trap. Luckily, the face down decided to pop up just in time, the large hand with light surrounding it looked just about as blasphemous as I felt using the hand of GOD for a card in a children's card game. "As long as this card is face-up on my field, there will be a requirement to kill monsters now!" I spoke as all of Seto's monsters collided with the ape(That looked like it actually _had_ just shit itself now-), only to bounce off soon afterwards, with Seto's eyes widening at the act. " _What_ -" "WIth Rank Requirement on the field, only one star and two star monsters can kill each other; same goes with three star and four star monsters, five star and six star monsters, seven star and eight stars, etc. etc." I explained as the monsters settled back on Seto's side of the field. "They can, however, still fight across 'Ranking'- or, stars, in this case, and they will still take damage based on the attack point differences; but, _well_ , my monster's effect." I sighed as Seto just grumbled and ended her turn.

Only for my monster to screech before dissolving into pixels.

"That- was unpleasant in 3D." I muttered as I rummaged in my ear with my pinky, trying to get hearing back into it as Seto just stared slightly wide eyed at the scene. "What- just happened to your monster?" "Huh- oh, yeah. Devouring Beast is, well, for a lack of a better term, _extremely stupid_ , and never lives long after it's born- er, summoned, so the very next turn after it's summoned, it will go to the graveyard." Soon, there were even more screams and screeches as Seto's monsters exploded into pixels themselves, causing Seto's eyes to widen. "Aaaaaaand it's very, _very_ , lonely, and because he doesn't have a 'Jill' like the rest of us, he also brings along whoever he fighted with him. " I yawned as I drew a card. "But, I digress- let's continue this little exploit of evolution, and I'll start by removing Devouring Beast from play to special summon the next in line of the Evolution track, the Huge Hollow(Three Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 1400/1300) directly from my hand!" I yelled as I played the massive beast.

This time, instead of a relatively small Hollow standing at around 4 feet, this one was more than DOUBLE that height, at around 9 feet in the sky, with a big black body(... I didn't know how to word that better.) and a wide, blank looking mask, not really depicting any animal at all but just there to be a mask as the beast groaned and stood there on the field above the designated card(Not sure if they could physically move _away_ from them, but I was thanking every deity out there that it didn't just immediately walk over to the remaining face down I had and tried eating it like a chip-), looking eerie.

"These cards of yours just keep getting bigger, dumber, and very much _uglier_ \- I hope you have something good in that deck of yours, otherwise, you won't last much longer." Rather big talk, coming from the kid with _no monsters_ on the field-

"Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on, I'm working on it; and I'll work on it by ALSO removing from play the card I just played-" As soon as I said that, my monster let out a moan as it suddenly started leaving the field on some sort of spiral. "-To special summon the next in line for evolution from my hand, the Gillian(Four Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 1800/1500)!" Suddenly, an even BIGGER Hollow popped up on the field, easily crossing the 15 foot mark, being a hulking figure of pure muscle, with razor sharp claws, and some kind of canine mask covering it's head, topped off by two waggling dog ears on top. "Man, 3D really DOES bring out the rather ugly aspects of our race." I muttered to myself before I shook my head and continued playing. "But my skillz don't stop there- I'm going to activate Gillian's ability, which allows me to draw a card for every one of the Hollow line of evolution removed from play; which, if you haven't been paying attention, has been two!" I drew two more cards, before grinning at the last one I had drawn. "Oooooooh yes! Alright, let's kick this up a notch with the NEXT line in the evolution, but this time, I'll just be sacrificing my monster to summon this one!" I sent the Gillian to the graveyard as the massive being just stood there and dissolved(Seriously, those things kept getting dumber and _dumber_ with each evolution-) as I soon played the next card. "Alright, shine in the spotlight, Arrancar(Five Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 2100/1900)!"

If the two siblings were expecting some kind of King Kong reject this time, they were sorely mistaken as some unnamed hoomahn figure popped out of the card, wrapped in tight white clothing with it's face covered by some white, bone like helmet.

"Shocked? Sorry, but evolution has to step up at some point- and that very same evolution is going to be your end! Att-" "Not so fast, I activate the trap 'Cloning'!" Across the field, a dark black blob started to form, before finally taking the form of my Arrancar; albeit, in all black instead of white. "Ugh, and here I was hoping I could go home sooner- fine, I'll put a card face down and you can go." Pulling a card out of her/his deck, Seto's eyes widened, before she/he just started to laugh softly, which exploded soon after into an outright cacophony of laughter. "HAHAHA- Yes, YES! I wanted to test this card out against someone like that dark Yugi(The fuck is a Dark Yugi'?), but I suppose you'll be a fine test subject as well, with your new type of cards!" Seto began in a hysteric tone, before she/he started to play. "I'll activate Soul Release! Which will allow me choose 5 cards from either of our graveyards, and send them out of play! And considering there is only 5 monsters in my graveyard, this will be perfect!" Wasn't really sure why she/he wanted to remove from play his own cards, but it no doubt ended with me getting my ass kicked- "And then, I will use Return from the Different Dimension! By sacrificing half my life points-"

Mu: 4000/Seto: 2000

"-I can special summon any amount of monsters removed from play as I want for this turn; but they won't be staying long." Seto grinned darkly as the three Thunder Dragons suddenly vanished and she started cackling madly. "And now, I shall summon the ultimate card in duel monsters; OBELISK THE TORMENTOR!" Ooooooooh, boy.

Kind of wish I had put the card Pegasus gave me in my deck now-

I didn't get to finish my thoughts before a flash of lightning sounded, and I looked up, over the ceiling, only to pale at the giant mass of _whatever the hell_ Obelisk the Tormentor was made out of.

"Hooooooooooooooooooooly shit." I was wide eyed as I stared directly at one of the three actual GODS in this children's card game. "And now, I think I'll attack you and win this duel! Obelisk, OBLITERATE!" Seto laughed and pointed at me in an order to finish this duel.

"..."

"!"

"..."

"!"

"..."

"!...? Why isn't Obelisk doing what he does best- OBLITERATING?!" "What, did you forget? My Rank Requirement is still on the field, and your Obelisk is level 10 while mine is level 5." "But he's OBELISK the TORMENTOR- trap cards, spell cards, OTHER MONSTER CARDS don't effect him!" "Ah, I actually looked into that- so long as it doesn't personally TARGET Obelisk, the effects can still work, like, say, AoE attacks?" Seto just gritted her/his teeth and seethed at the supposed loss of a victory so quickly. "Grrrr, while I can't beat you YET, I can still attack that abomination of a monster- Obelisk, attack!" Obelisk just lifted it's hand, and started descending it onto my Arrancar(Who looked like he was praying to his OWN deities-), crashing through the glass ceiling to streamline towards my monster.

"Oooooooh, this is gonna hu-"

 ***BOOM***

Mu: 2100/Seto: 2000

"My… Everything hurts." I coughed as I stood back up from being knocked down from the force of that behemoths hand. I looked forward again to see my Arrancar shaking worse than a leaf in the wind, looking directly above it at the monster above the ceiling.

And speaking of…

 _HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO BEAT THAT_?!

There was no way in hell I could even hope to beat that thing with the cards currently in my hand- I only had enough cards to summon the next evolution, and, depending on my next draw, the seventh evolution- but neither of those could hope to stand a chance against the giant in front of me. In fact- NOTHING in my deck could hope to stand up to that thing!

 _Except_ …

Well, it was a long shot, but if I got the exact card I needed, I could end the duel in my favor.

"Here's to hoping." I muttered as I took out a flask and quickly downed it in one gulp, before I overheard Seto saying her/his turn was done after setting a card down. "Okay, I'm not much for believing in superstition, but I'll believe in this 'Heart of the Cards' bull shit Pegasus told me about-" I drew a breath and quickly swiped my hand across my deck.

"DRAW!"

Having closed my eyes beforehand, I didn't know immediately what I drew, but opening the eye that was closest to the hand holding the card slightly, I managed to make out what card it was. "That Obelisk is an issue, Seto, I'll admit that; but I've also had issues before with my bowls before." I grinned as Seto looked vaguely astonished I'd even bring something like that UP. "Issues, are meant to PASS-" I yelled as I attempted to play the card I had just drawn. "And I'll pass it up, by getting the home field advantage!... How do I play a field spell?" "Mechanism on the left side." "Ah, thanks." The field around us suddenly shifted to a desert, broken and dead trees spanning across the entirety of it, with an ever present moon in the unchanging night.

"Welcome to the world where the Hollows reside- Hueco Mundo." I spread my arms wide as if showing the grandest thing anyone would have the great pleasure of seeing.

Hueco Mundo was not that sight.

Even to the _Hollows_ that lived in the damn thing.

"So you brought us to a dessert- big deal." Seto scoffed. "Nothing you can have could even HOPE to begin to hold a candle to it." So says you, _princess_." I snickered as Seto just ground her/his teeth. "And anyways, like all field spells, there are special effects of it; one of them, is that instead of needing the card in my hand to summon it during the evolution, I can now summon it directly from my DECK- another thing, also, is that the cards removed from play in order to special summon that card, is now lowered by one, so-" I started as the Arrancar started disappearing just like the Huge Hollow from before and the 'Clone' along with it soon after. "-I can special summon the SEVENTH evolution now, instead of the sixth!" I took the card from my deck, and summoned it to the field. "Let's go, Proximo Espada(Seven Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 2400/2800)!" On the field, a figure in the same outfit as the Arrancar, but this one was more muscular, had the Arrancar coat open revealing it's pale white skin beneath it, and it's helmet was broken, showing the face this time, scarred and as pale as the rest of its body, with the rest of the helmet covering it's hair from view, taking the shape of an owl's head. "But I'm not done; next I'll activate Instant Gratification!" I played the spell card, the image being of a Hollow on its knees in Hueco Mundo, begging to a shadowed figure much bigger than it for something. "This card will allow me to activate the next step of evolution, without the need to remove from play my newly summoned monster; so now, I summon the PINNACLE of the entirety of the Hollow line of evolution, THE VASTO LORDE(Eight Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 2900/3200)!"

The 'Pinnacle of evolution' was soon summoned to the field, being much different than all the others before it. It was hoohmanoid, like the most recent classes of evolution, but it's attire and mask were much more reminiscent of the past reincarnations of the evolution. Covered in dirt ridden pants, it held onto no shirt, showing off it's more tanned, scarred physique to everyone, with a mask just like the Devouring Beast covering its head, in the form of an animal- this one being a dragon- with long flowing black hair, also rather dirty in appearance, just like the rest of him.

"I'm not done yet, either, because I'll special summon the sixth evolution, just because I can!" I grinned, as the sixth evolution appeared on the field from my hand. "And this one is called the Elite Fraccion(Six Star, Dark SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 2300/2300)." The(Rather small in comparison to the ones next to it-) hoohmanoid figure popped out of it's card, looking exactly like the Arrancar, but this character was about a foot taller than the five foot Arrancar, and it's helmet was cracked down the middle, with the jagged lines looking like a mouth about to close around the things head, with the rest of the body resembling a fish.

"YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT- NONE OF THOSE WEAK MONSTERS OF YOURS CAN BEAT OBELISK AS THEY ARE!" Seto laughed as she/he looked over my monsters. "Oh- I can do you better alright." As Seto's eyes twitched trying to figure out if I had meant anything else with that statement(Of course I did- but she/he doesn't need to know that.), I decided to play the entirety of the rest of the hand I was dealt. "Well, I have three monsters right here; I don't see why I should waste a perfect opportunity like this, so I'll sacrifice all three of them-" They all disappeared to the graveyard as I summoned my last monster. "-And I will summon the King of MPvP(Not that anyone _knew_ what that was other than me-); The Curandero Maestro(Nine Star, Light SPIRIT; Effect Monster/Union: 3000/4500)!" Not really wanting to have people question why _I_ was my own duel monsters card, I decided to give the monster the vaguest description possible, while still holding true to form.

The monster was covered in a thick white coat, arms forever folded together in what looked like a prayer with the sleeves covering everything from sight, not letting anyone see what really was going on with the arms. The hood was drawn up, covering almost the entire face, except the creepy grin showing the bone white, razor sharp teeth however.

"Behold!" "Hmph. That thing is also too weak to deal with Obelisk- the most it can do is stall for time in defense mode." Seto scowled as I kept grinning. "Ah, Seto-Chan, you really should understand by now there is ALWAYS more to my monsters than I am giving out." My grin turned downright cruel as suddenly, from within my monster's coat, moans and groans could be heard. "You see- my little Curandero Maestro here isn't exactly the best of fighters, as you no doubt could tell. He is much better at doing things like playing defense, healing others- _or taking what isn't his_." Suddenly, the Maestro's grin broke as his long, black, sickly looking tongue came of his mouth, holding onto something that no one could quite make out, until he practically shoved it into Seto's face. "That's- That's Obelisk's card!" Seto paled as the tongue latched back inside the Maestro's mouth, card and all as the grin was back full force. "But, but you can't take away Obelisk and take control of him- his effect won't allow it!" "Yes, yes, I realize that- though, the Maestro doesn't really seem to, but that's besides the point- I didn't take your Obelisk away, I took his _effect_ away."

The Maestro grinned as he looked above him, looking like he was glowing in a weird light as Obelisk groaned and landed back on the ground, looking rather weak to anyone who looked at him. "And yes, I _also_ realize that even without an effect, Obelisk still outnumbers the Maestro in attack points- _however_ , we are in Hueco Mundo! Here, Curandero Maestro gets home field advantage, in the form of protection from _dying_ in a fight as long as he is in attack mode! And, if he so chooses to attack, he ALSO gains an extra 1000 attack points for attacking someone that isn't the same attribute as he is!" The Maestro just grinned even wider(Not sure how that was possible-) as suddenly his original attack of 3000 bumped up to 4000, same as Obelisks.

"Sadly, your Obelisk doesn't _have_ home field advantage, though, so as soon as he's in a fight with someone as strong as him, he's _dead_! Maestro, a little music please~" The Maestro just let out a cackle of glee, before he suddenly jumped _much_ higher than should be scientifically possible, landing on Obelisk's head before he pulled out a small, rusty flute. "Hold it!" Seto growled as she suddenly played her face down. "I play the card Shrink! With it's effect, your Maestro's original attack gets _halved_ , which would make its attack now only 2500, too weak to beat Obelisk!" She finished with a smirk, waiting to see its effect happen and for Obelisk to finally _obliterate_ this punk and his crap cards.

Which never happened.

"Yeah- when I said I took away Obelisks effect, I meant _Curandero Maestro_ stole his ability for himself." I scratched my chin as I remembered something though. "Oh yeah- thanks for reminding me of something, though. I still have a face down-" But with a snap of my fingers, the card revealed itself. "I'll play the spell 'Execution'. With this card, I can either equip it to my monster for long term- though, with Obelisk's effect still in effect, I can't necessarily do that; so I'll go short term with it, and just equip it to your Obelisk." The bow and arrow on the card suddenly appeared thanks to the 3D animation, and the arrow shot itself into Obelisks chest, causing a mark to make itself known on Obelisks chest in the form of a massive 'E', and Obelisk groaned as it pierced his hull. And what the hell does that thing do, anyway?!" Seto growled as I pulled out a flask and started drinking from it. "WELL?! WHAT-" I held up a single finger to silence her, as I continued my drinking. After I was done, I sighed and looked over to see Seto fuming. "Pretty much, all it does is make it so that when the targeted monster dies, you take half the original attack points that the monster had as life point damage, on top of whatever damage you would take otherwise." Seto freezed at that.

"Half the attack points, but-" "But Obelisk's attack is 4000, and you only HAVE 2000 life points left? Yes, I know." I pulled out another flask I gave the impatient Maestro the symbol to continue, causing him to bounce up and down on Obelisks head in cheer, before he settled down and raised the flute to his lips, and started playing.

The sound from the flute wasn't _nearly_ as horrible as I expected it to be, though it apparently was torture to Obelisk as he attempted to swat the Hollow off his head, but soon had his hands preoccupied as he started to sink into the ground from a dark _portal_ that had been summoned by the Maestro to swallow the being up.

Didn't help that halfway through, hands started pouring out of the portal to quicken the rate which he got swallowed up, either.

Pretty soon, all that was left was the head, but a swift kick from the Maestro fixed that.

Thought as soon as the portal closed, the large 'E' from before on Obelisk's chest appeared over Kaiba's chest, causing her/him to step back and widen her/his eyes, but that didn't stop the 'E' from suddenly lunging forward, sending Kaiba rolling away on the ground, groaning as the duel simulation ended with the loss of the rest of her life points.

Mu: 2100/Seto: 0000

"Well, that was riveting." I told her/him as I walked over, drinking from a different flask this time. "You… You managed to beat _Obelisk_ \- WITHOUT the need of another God card, or even a specific card meant to counter only God cards." Seto settled on her hands and knees, apparently trying to figure out the meaning of life- or the meaning of a children's card games, either one. "Eh, well, there are still _counters_ to God cards that can be used for other purposes as well- but I guess that's besides the point." "BIG BROTHER!" I got pushed to the side as the kid brother came running and stopped next to his _brother_.

Which reminds me-

"Okay, I have to ask now." I got both of the Kaiba's attentions. "Gender… You aren't one of those crazy _anti_ -feminists that goes around dressing like men to prove a point, are you?" "So… You know?" Seto asked softly as she/he( _Really_ can't wait to get this sorted out-) slowly got up from the floor. "Yeah, wasn't too hard to notice- I have a genetic defect that tampered with my sense of smell, so I can smell the pheromones coming off of you." I lied as I stayed in position, drinking from my flask as Seto Kaiba rolled on up to me.

"I see… And what will it take to keep your silence?" She asked in a tone that said she knew this kind of thing would eventually happen and she knew the precautions that would need to happen to contain it.

AKA Killing me if it truly came down to it.

Because she could normally let a random stranger go away, and if HE tried blabbing, it's just some random man claiming some hocus pocus rumor.

But if it's someone who personally knew MAXIMILLION PEGASUS that went around starting rumors?

People would know it had to hold _some_ merit.

"To keep MY silence? Absolutely jack shit- this ain't none of my business, and I can't exactly do anything with the information that would further any goals I have, so I won't tell if you don't tell." I told her as I removed the duel disk and handed it back to her. She seemed shocked by my reply- _too_ shocked.

Oh joy- she's one of those people that won't let something go without knowing she got exactly what she wanted.

"But, if you REALLY want to do something to _reeeeeeally_ keep my mouth shut, you can read this letter, written by one Maximillion Pegasus… _before_ his supposed death." My tone got sober at that last part.

It was with no small amount of irritation that I soon realized, after a week of no contact between us, that Pegasus was _dead_ \- and it took a representative of Industrial Illusions to come to where we were supposed to meet to figure it out.

It sucks, because as a Peacekeeper, I wanted to have been able to stop the death, but it also had nothing to do with the balance of the world of the dead, and as far as I knew, the world of the dead had nothing to do with the death of Pegasus, so there really wasn't anything I could do about it.

Still fucking sucks though-

"Pegasus is, _dead_?" Oh right, that really isn't public knowledge, yet, is it? "No one but his most loyal servants, his soon-to-be successor, me, and now you guys know, but yes, he is dead." I confirmed as Seto looked down at the envelope I had given her. "You don't look too upset." "He kidnapped my brother, and took his soul along with MINE- of course I'm not going to feel anything after his death." "... He's not that bad of a man, you know." "Tch, I highly doubt it." "Tell me, Seto Kaiba, what would you do if MOKUBA had died?" Seto was taken aback by the random question. "What does that have to do any-" "Tell me, what you would do." She took a second to think on that question, glancing at a nervous Mokuba as she did. "Okay, I won't ask you that right in front of said brother, but would you take ANY possible chance you would get to have him brought back, and do it with your full determination? "Of course." "Oh? Such confidence, and a lack of needed thought into the question, no hesitation to get back the one you love above all else?" "What kind of idiot question is _that_?" Her voice told me it was a rather stupid one, but I moved on.

"The same kind of stupid question that Pegasus had to ask to get the chance to see his OWN Mokuba again after they died." That got the brat to shut up. "Pegasus had the chance to see his beloved again after she tragically met her end, and he took it- and failed." I unclasped a brand new flask, and started drinking that one as well. "And now he's paid the price for it, as well- but rest assured, I'm going to find whoever decided to do it, and I'm gonna end _them_ in retaliation. Petty? Sure, but I'll rest easier knowing the killer of a decent man isn't out there doing the same to yet another person." I stopped talking at that point and just shook my head. "Ah, but enough about that, you should forgive and forgot, if not for the Pegasus who kidnapped your brother, than for the Pegasus who just wanted to see his wife again." I turned around and started walking towards the door. "Anyway's, this is goodbye- I doubt we'll see each other again, but Japan is a small country, and Kaiba Corp is everywhere." I mused as I made it to the door. "Hey!" I turned around, only to come face to disk with the duel disk I had used earlier.

" _Son of a_ -" "Keep that Duel Disk- also, inside where the deck should be, you'll find a locator card. You'll need both to enter the Battle City Tournament I'll be hosting." I just looked at the duel disk, and then back at Seto. "And you want me in this tournament, becaaaaaaaause-" "Only THREE people have beaten me in a duel before- one of those people is dead, the other is my rival, and the last person is just an idiot, who if I duel again in the tournament, will feel the _hurt_." I just stared at her for a while. "Wow, only one battle and were rivals? I'm shocked." I grinned at the sound of her groaning and finally just laughed. "Well, that's alright then- this 'Idiot' will just have to show you up one more; this time in front of a group of witnesses!" With one last thumbs up, I took my leave.

As I walked down the hall back to the elevator, I scanned the duel disk in my hand.

"Well, I DID say I needed a vacation, and what better vacation than entering a tournament where nothing could POSSIBLY go wrong?" I looked out the long window expanding across the hall and sighed. "And, if by some miracle, something that shouldn't be possible DID happen, and I somehow _find_ , say, the cause of Pegasus's death? Well-" I grinned as the light flashed on my face for a second, which made my left glisten in the light.

"A good _Penalty Game_ would be in order, then. Mm hm. Mm hm hm. Heh heh, heh heheh heh- HA, HA HA HA- *COUGH*, ah, crap, I need a- *COUGH* Lousinge!"


	2. This worked better in the show-

**... Look, I know I said the next chapter for the Naruto thing would be out this month- and it will!**

 **It's just that this story has made me** ** _rather_** **excited, and I want to write for it as much as possible, and, I, kind of wrote the entire thing only 3 days after I wrote the first one, and I want it out already, so- here you go! Two chapters in one week!**

 **PRAISE SENPAI!**

"Dun dun dun- and the plot thickens." I mused to myself as all over the city, people were milling about, waiting for the first sign that the brand new Battle City Tournament would begin. It was just about nine in the morning on the day that Seto had told me the tournament would begin, and I was with dozens of others waiting in the park of Domino City, thinking over if I would really decide to go through with the whole thing.

Sure, I was personally invited to join by Seto freaking KAIBA, the owner of Kaiba Corp, and the person who was hosting this entire shindig, and there were no doubt stupid punks a plenty going around with juicy rare cards just waiting to be plucked from their cold, unconscious bodies, but did I _really_ want to waste a week or so of my time, going on some perilous hunt for locator cards to get into the finals(That I am sure will no doubt be full of plot and evil- and even evil plot.), all to get some stupid title of 'King of Games'?

I liked my old title of 'Weakest Hollow' thank you very much!

Plus, all the cards I'd get from these bozo's wouldn't really be worth the effort anyway- I'd already checked, and there weren't any cards that paired well with my deck(Or even cards that were worth just COLLECTING for the sake of collections-).

Which leads into my _next_ predicament.

"Go away, you god damn vultures, before I send you away with my boot upside your ass!" I barked at the anxious and sweating duelists around me, causing them to jump up and scatter away from my laying position near the fountain(But still stay close enough to come up to me not five seconds after the tournament starts- le sigh.). These damn morons wouldn't keep off my ass for more than a second before they started piling away on top of me, wanting to be the first to beat me(Like they'd actually accomplish much on THAT front-) and take my rarest card(Or what they thought was my rarest card- which, in all likeliness, is probably barely in the top ten of my best cards.) that no one even knew EXISTED until Seto Kaiba prioritized my Duel Ranking as the highest it could possibly get(An 8/8- which made me one of the only 3 people in this tournament with that type of ranking.) with a never before seen rare card that had no set copy, so it was, in short, rarer than even The Blue-Eyes White Dragon, which held(Or used to hold, before Seto got to one of the copies so she could be the only one to have the card- seriously, she put someone IN THE HOSPITAL, just to have exclusive access to a _children's trading card_ ; this town was fucked up, let me tell you-) 4 actual prints.

So in short, she added a target to my back without even trying.

 _Damn minx_ -

A ringing pervading the entirety of the town from the massive block tower broke me form my thoughts, as the signal to start the Battle City Tournament rang true. "And just like that, the lambs came running for their _punishment_ \- I mean supper." I muttered to myself as few duels actually started around me; instead, everyone started crowding around me, attempting to either challenge me to a duel, see my 'Rare' cards, or(In one stupid case-) actually try to steal my deck from the secured box on my belt.

That was stopped by a swift punch to the stomach, sending the fool spiralling into a tree.

"Alright, who's next- you want supper? Well my patented KNUCKLE-SANDWICH is ready to serve ya, and for dessert, I got our prized can of _whoop-ass_!" I shook my fist at the rest of the idiots, causing them to scatter around me, trying to get away(And by 'Get away', I mean get outside of punching range- le sigh X2.) from me.

"I hope you wouldn't mind setting me up a table, fool!" I turned around at that, seeing some lanky, two-bit duelist standing with a duel disk raring to go. "Oooooooh, your face looks so kickably nice, Ima have to do it twice." I cracked my knuckles as I set-up my duel disk myself, getting ready to kick the MEGA idiots ass. "So I suppose your dumb ass wants my 'Rare' card, so what is your ante then, Mr. Schmuck, so I know I'm not wasting my time kicking your ass?" The moron just laughed at me. "Oh, trust me, you won't be needing to know what card I have up for offer after I'm through mopping the floor with you!" That annoyed me more than a little. "Just tell me your stupid card, dumb ass, or I'm not even going to bother wiping the floor with you." He just scowled a bit before finally rummaging through his pockets for something. "Fine! I have this rare 'Red-Eyes Black Dragon' card that I took from some no-name punk in a duel that I'll offer up for trade." That got my attention.

What the hell was a Red-Eyes Black Dragon?

Was it some sort of black sheep of the Blue-Eyes family?

"Alright, I'll admit, this 'Red-Eyes' sounds vaguely interesting- you're on! BUT-" I interrupted myself before the man could start up the duel. "I want to make this a little more… _Interesting_ \- what say you we have ourselves a little, ah, _Penalty Game_ for the loser of the duel, eh?" Not seeing him disagree, I activated my duel disk the same time this moron activated his, causing him to grin so creepily(Seriously, I'm surprised he didn't try baiting me with candy for this duel-) that I took a few steps back, if only to be able to avoid association.

"Duel!"

"Prepare to lose your most precious card!" The idiot across from me(Who also had yet to give me his _name_ \- damn yocals.) drew his first card, looking at it and still grinning that pedophilic smile. "I'll play Stone Statue of the Aztecs in Defense mode, then use Graceful Charity, and end my turn afterwards!"

… What?

"Th-That's it? Just some, puny monster card? No Traps, or Spells that you could have just picked up from your hand, or even playing the damn monster face down to act like it had an _effect_ even though it didn't?" I was beyond bewildered as I gazed at the ignorant, grinning dumb fuck in front of me.

What the hell kind of people does Seto allow in these things, anyway?!

"I don't need those things to beat someone as weak as you, fool!" "Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiight- I'm just gonna draw now." I told him as I picked up a card and looked at it.

"'Ey! There 'e is! The guy what took my Red-Eyes!" I glanced up from my hand, confused, as some blonde high schooler with an accent came rushing up to our duel spot(It cleared out surprisingly fast- must have to do with the fact that the idiots thought I'd be losing this duel and they just lost interest as soon as they realized the 'New Card' slipped from their grasps…. Dumb asses-), with his friend not far behi- WOW! Hold up a minute! "Yugi Mutou." I muttered to myself, as I looked over the kid.

What was it with Pegasus and not giving out details about the rather… _Feminine_ quality of the duelists he told me I would eventually meet?

The kid looked just like Pegasus told me he… she… WHATEVER- would look like; although he HAD given me two descriptions, and told me that this Yugi kid had finished the Millennium Puzzle, and completed it for the first time in over 3000 years, which granted him(Her, it, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!) magical powers(Just like the other Millennium Items did for their owners-) in the form of an apparently ancient pharaoh(Or… Whatever the female version of _that_ is-) being able to inhabit Yugi's body to win, _games_ , of all things, for the two.

I stopped caring long before I was even thinking about Duel Monsters existence.

From the expression on the face right now, it would appear the 'Dark' Yugi was in charge, for now.

"And he appears to already be dueling with someone else, as well." I heard Yugi mutter(Yep, definitely a girl. No self-respectable man would be caught _dead_ with that kind of voice-) to the other kid next to her, as he blinked, and suddenly looked in my direction. "Oi, kid! You gotta stop da duel! This guy's a FRAUD! He likes cheating and-" "Let me stop you right there, _kid_ \- I don't need to be a genius to figure out someone of his stature likes to connive and cheat to get things to go his way. And personally? I don't care. I'll kick his ass in this duel, and then I'll kick his ass _with my boot_ after the duel!" I growled at him as he sneered. "And it's not like he can willingly stop dueling, either- he willingly accepted my offer to a duel, and by Battle City rules, if he gives up, he must hand over his most valuable card- the laudable Curandero Maestro! One of the only cards out there capable of taking out a God card, that isn't a God itself!"

Wait- Seto actually put it out there that it BEAT A GOD?

"God card?" I heard Yugi mutter confusedly, before I decided to get back into the duel. "Yeah, it beat a God alright- and if you think it's above kicking your ass as well, you got another thing coming!" I picked up a card, and placed it on the disk. "Alright, Devouring Beast, let's do this!" As my monster was summoned, everyone seemed confused. "Eh? Spirit? What kind of monster is DAT?" "A Spirit monster is the newest type of monster to exist in the current Duel Monster game right now, and so far, I am the only one to own any." "And that will be sure to change after I win and take ALL of your rare cards!" The manic moron in front of me cackled as I rolled my eyes. "Remember, you only get _one_ of my rare cards- IF you somehow manage to win, dumb ass." I looked at my hand again, before nodding and taking this match up a notch. "And I'll make sure you don't do that by removing Devouring Beast from play-" Here, the monster vanished once again to the depths as I played my next card. "-And in it's place, the next step of evolution pops up on the field, the Huge Hollow!" As the massive beast was summoned, the blonde kid next to Yugi shivered. "Jesus Christ! What da hell IS that monster?!" "The Huge Hollow, is but one step in the evolutionary process of the greatest race to have ever existed- the Hollows!" "A-An' how many more 'Steps' are there, in dis evolution?" "Hm? Oh, only around 5 more-"

"G-G-G-G- FIVE MORE?!" The teen jumped back, looking about ready to shit his pants. "THERE'S FIVE MORE EVOLUTIONS LIKE DAT ONE?!" "I suppose you could say that, yes- but back to my duel." Deciding I wasn't _quite_ done yet, I played another card. "I'm not gonna lie- your deck just looks like a massive disappointment, so I'm gonna go ahead and finish this as fast as possible, and I'll do that by playing 'Feeding Point'!" From the ground, a magic card appeared and played itself, depicting two beastly Hollows(Gillians, from the looks of it-) biting each other, and trying to end the other as they did so somewhere within Hueco Mundo. "What this card allows me to do, is target one face-up monster on the field- your statue- and allows me to remove it from play, and place it in MY removed from play pile, so that when I do, I get to summon a monster from my deck to the field, instead of from my hand like it usually is done, that is next in line for the evolution process, in which case, is the GILLIAN!" As the stone statue suddenly vanished from the field, my Gillian replaced it- only it was on MY side of the field.

"Y-Yugi, this guy's monsters scares da crap out of me." The blonde kid from before gulped as Yugi just silently watched the duel, analyzing every move made.

"And, seeing as how it's still MY turn, I think a little punishment is in order for you transgressions against me… And basically ALL of hoomahn decency-" I muttered that last part to myself. "-But first, Gillians effect kicks in, allowing me to draw one card for every card removed from play on my side." Saying that, I drew two new cards. "And NOW we an attack- go Huge Hollow, Acid of Debilitation; Gillian, Dark Fire Sacrament!" With a wave of my hand, the Huge Hollow let loose a blast of acid from it's mouth, and the Gillian started letting loose black oil, that soon caught on fire as it reached the opponent. "GAH!"

Mu: 4000/?: 0800

"And just like that, one last turn should do it- your turn, mofo." I took out _another_ flask, drinking from it as the rare hunter gritted his teeth and drew a card, grinning for some reason as he placed a single card face down and ended his turn. "... Seriously? I was wanting a fucking challenge, and all you do is put _one_ card down?" I shook my head at his stupidity. "Moron-" "'Ey, new guy! You gotta listen up! 'Dis guy ain't no joke, see, he-" "Ahp-ahp-ahp, spoilers!" I covered my ears as the kid kept getting louder. "I don't like spoilers!" "Jounouchi, leave him be; this is HIS duel, and he wants to win it without getting an unfair advantage over his opponent." "But, but Yug-" "No buts, no cuts, no coconuts- the other kid is right, I can win this on my own. Besides-" I glanced at his face down monster, and then to his hand.

"It'll take more than some cheap _tricks_ to beat me down enough to stay laying. Draw!"

Grabbing my next card, I was already in motion. "Alright, I guess I'll remove both Huge Hollow and Gillian from play-" Everyone's eyes widened as the two monsters vanished back from whence they came. "The hell?! What is 'e tryin' ta do-" "-Which will allow me to not only have enough sacrifices for Arrancar, but enough for Elite Fraccion to come to the field as well!" Yet again, no one was expecting something like a _hoomahn_ to pop up after seeing the type of beasts I utilized before, but I just moved on as they all stared in awe. "But what's this? I have two high powered monsters on the field, and yet you only have ONE? Now that just won't do." I smiled cruelly as the man started to sweat, a look of fear crossing his features. "Mmmm. Eeny-meeny-miny-mo, which to use to clobber my foe- oh what the heck, Arrancar, you're up- Needleform Cero!" I yelled as the Arrancar created a small orb, from which tiny, needle like projectiles shot out and started attacking the face down monster.

"HA! YOU LOSE!" The idiot suddenly stopped looking like HE was gonna shit his pants, as his face down was revealed to be Gear Golem the Moving Fortress. "Well crap baskets." I smiled as my attack was stopped.

Mu: 3900/?: 0800

"Oh well, I guess there's always _next turn_." I shrugged as Elite Fraccion shot out and destroyed the Golem itself, leaving the man's field entirely bereft of anything else. "HA HA HA- THERE WON'T BE A NEXT TURN FOR YOU, YOU MONGREL!" The man sneered as he made to draw his next card. "FOR YOU SEE, I HAVE BEEN DUTIFULLY COLLECTING CARDS IN MY HAND, WAITING FOR THE ULTIMATE OPPORTUNITY TO ARISE, AND NOW, IT HAS-" "You know what- you DO have a rather nice hand; mind if I take a look?" I interrupted the man's speech as everyone just stopped to stare at me like I had grown a second head.

"... Uh, Yug, can we-" "No, Jounouchi, we can't ask to see our opponents hands and expect them to do so."

"Oh, did it appear like I was asking? Because I wasn't." I smiled as I walked over to the other guys side of the field, making my way towards him as he stood there, wide eyed and uncomprehending. "And before you just go all 'That's against the rules!' Mr. Bootleg Exodia cards, I am referring that you have to because of my MONSTERS ability." I stopped in front of the man, who looked like I had just kicked his puppy(And I might have, too- I've kicked a _looooot_ of puppies in my time.) and took his hand from him. "You see, when Elite Officer is on the field, I can discard him to the graveyard, and in return, I get to look over my opponent's hand, pick ANY card I want, and I get three choices on how to deal with that card." I grabbed the mans Head of Exodia, gave him back his hand, and then walked back to my side of the field. "You see- I either get to pick the card and add it to my hand, decide to DESTROY IT, sending it to your graveyard, or I get to choose to send it to MY removed from play pile, just sitting there like an overstuffed duck on a holiday." I grinned as I made it abundantly clear I was removing it from play. "And, on the flip side, _any other duplicate cards in your ENTIRE deck goes along for the ride_. So basically, your Turtle playing ass just got served." I smiled as the man(And, basically everyone around us-) continued to stare at me.

"Please refrain from looking at me with your X-Ray contacts in- they make me uncomfortable."

By uncomfortable, I mean I don't want some pedophilic maniac being able to see through my clothes and looking at my manly bits.

"H-H-How can this be- NO ONE can beat Exodia!" "Yeah, well- to quote a dear friend of mine's American dub, 'Believe it'." Taking a moment to continue drinking from my flask(Or, one of my flasks as the other one had already emptied-), I started speaking again soon after. "And seeing as how you have nothing but Exodia pieces in your hand, and I can just summon another monster next turn anyway, I do think that this is 'Gg'." "N-No, NO!" The idiot(Wonder if I'll _ever_ get his name-) dropped his hand as he fell to the floor on his knees.

Mu: 3900/?: 0800(FORFEIT)

'G-GEEEEEEEE!' I let off the button as I walked over to the man sputtering on his knees. "Ah, I do so love me someone on their knees right in front of me- but for you I'll make an exception. But onto more pressing matters! I do believe you just lost yourself a duel, and are in need of a good _Penalty Game_!" "P-Penalty game?!" Ah right- the two wonder twins were still watching us.

Meh, a little mental trauma never hurt anyone… I think-

"You, man who's name I have yet to get the name of, and will probably never get anyway- so I'll call you 'Fodder Number 1'- Ahem! Fodder Number 1, you are guilty of actively cheating in our duel, how do you plead?" "N-No! Please, Master Marik, please forgive me, I'll do better, I-I-" "Oi! The fucks this 'Master Marik' shit you're on about?! You're MY bitch now, Fodder Number 1! And as punishment for your deeds… Hmmmmmm- AH! As punishment, for not only cheating, but your gluttony for cards, and your greed to obtain nothing but the rarest of things, shall be put under the 'Illusion of Avarice', forced to forever see worthless objects as everything you truly desire in life! Now begone!" With a quick flash coming from my covered up eye, the greedy bastards eyes glazed over, as he started ranting and raving about how 'Rare cards were as far as the eye could see'(Which, in his case, wasn't far from the truth-) as he started dancing around the park, attempting to grab the 'Cards' anywhere he could.

"Well, that was boring." I muttered to myself as I picked up the deck the idiot dropped in his loopy state and rummaged through the fake cards to find what(I was hoping-) was an actually legitimate card. "Bingo." Taking out the Red-Eyes(And looking it over to see the actual authenticity.), I stashed in my pocket with my unoccupied hand(Still hadn't put away my hand and deck from the duel-), and soon pulled out another flask to drink from after the hand returned. "Hey!"

Oh right- how the hell do I keep forgetting I had company around here?

"Hey yourself, I'm drinking here." "That man- what did you do to him?" The little lady(Seriously- even if she was a freshman, that height is rather wonky.) still questioned me as I took a long swig from my flask. "Who, bozo over there? We dueled, I won, he lost, so he had to take the Penalty Game." "Penalty- wait! That means you have a Millennium item, like my puzzle! Tell me, which one do you have; are you the wielder of the seventh and final one that I was told of?!" "... These things come with numbers-" I moved my hand up to my eye, feeling around for an ID code or any engraved writings, but came up blank. "Why, what number is your puzzle, like, 5? Because I have NO clue what number mine would be; it feels like an even 4, though, for some reason-" "No, they do not have set numbers or sequences; however, I WAS told that during this tournament, I would come across the last of the Millennium Items that I had not seen yet, and you seem to be the prime candidate for owning said item." "Who, me? Sorry to say, I'm just a repeat offender here- my item is used, and I don't even think they washed it before lending me it!" I shuddered at the thought.

"So gross-"

"Then, wait; if you don't have the unknown artifact, and I know for a fact that it can't possibly be the Necklace, Puzzle, or the Ring because that thing is still lost out on Pegasus's island, and I know Shadi wouldn't give up possession of his items so easily, then-" "That's right! You're looking at the not-so-proud new owner of a Millennium Eye!" I puffed out my chest and rubbed my knuckles on it.

I know, I'm such a badass.

"But, wait, what happened to Pegasus?" "Ah, yes- _that_. Well, after he gave it to me, he sort of… _croaked_." The Jounouchi kid's eyes started bugging out at that while Yugi just seemed confused. "Wait, he ' _Croaked_ '- that's funny, he doesn't really seem the type for animal impressions." Oh boy… Girl, thing- "Uh, no, I meant he 'Kicked the bucket'." "And now he's kicking buckets? This is so unlike him!" "... Nnnnnnnnnnno- he's, how do I put this; 'Taking a dirt nap'." "A spa day? That- actually does sound like him." "'Swimming with the fishes'." "Okay, swimming- with _fishes_ now?! Just what is going on here-" "Oh for the love 'a- 'E'S DEAD, YUG!"

Thank you, punk blonde kid!

"D-Dead?" Yugi actually recoiled back as if physically slapped at that. "What do you mean he's DEAD?!" "Just that- he dead." I told them bluntly as I took another swig from my flask, only to find it _empty_.

Figures-

"But-But we just saw him not 3 weeks ago!" "Yes, and in those three weeks, he managed to contact me, meet up, make me this sweet deck, give me his eye- _so unsanitary, by the way_ \- and then get murdered by some unknown tool; possibly to make a quick buck, I don't know the full dets." "M-MURDERED? How da hell is someone like Pegasus murdered?! 'E's got dozens of hired and armed muscles, who could get pass all dat to get a good shot at 'im?" "No clue… But _Yugi_ might." "W-Who, me? How would I possibly know; I didn't have anything to do with the death, if that's what you're insinuating!" "No, no, that reaction is too realistic to be fake, so this is the first you're hearing of his death. What _I_ mean, is the fact that you know all the other wielders of the Millennium Items, though, and they are the prime suspects of the case at this point. Which is why I need you to _tell me_ who the wielders are, so I can hunt them down and question them." The person I was questioning just fidgeted on the spot. "Look, kid, this goes higher than you could POSSIBLY imagine, and I need you to tell me who could have killed Pegasus, otherwise, I'm gonna have to do some hard researching, and I'm not going to be NEARLY as nice as I am now to get that information. You tell me now, it saves dozens of people trouble in the long run." When it looked like she STILL wasn't going to spill I just shook my head. "Have it your way." With that, I turned and walked away from the duo.

"W-Wait!"

Hook, line, and sinker.

"Sorry, kid, but I don't have time to play your games-" "N-No, I… I'll tell you." "Hmph. Good- need to find the murderer as soon as I can. So, what can you tell me?"

* * *

"Hmmmmm. None of those people seem to fit the description I'm looking for; it sucks, but this 'Unknown' must have been the one to do the deed." I mused as we all sat outside a cafe near the clock tower where the Battle City Tournament had started. "Guess this means I'm going on a wild goose chase." "Indeed it does." Yugi told me grimly as I sighed and pilfered _another_ flask from who knows where and started drinking from it. "But, wait, aren't ya' forgettin' something?" Jounouchi scratched his head confusedly as I turned to him. "Like…?" "Well, we've talked about these 'Millennium' whatchamacallits, and who owns what one and what they all represent on the scale of 'Evil' and 'Good' and 'Borderline' and all that jazz, but, why aren't we questionin' all da EVIL ones?" "Well, it's preposterous, because I have the eye, and I didn't do it, the ring is apparently lost in a jungle somewhere, and the only lead we have is against the guy we don't know where to find." "Right, but, isn't it possible, if only _slightly_ , that YOU coulda' killed 'im, or even the fact dat someone ELSE could've found da ring, took it, got possessed, or whatever, and then did the deed?" "That's-"

… Actually plausible.

"Hm. You may be onto something, kid- at least with the ring, not the fact that _I_ could have killed the guy; because I didn't, and that's just preposterous to assume." I took a sip from my flask again. "I'll be sure to look into the ring situation, though, and see for myself if the thing is actually 'lost' or if it was indeed found'. But in the meantime, the tournament is under way, and I have to get all 6 map pieces if I want into the finals, and you two need to do the same if you want to advance too. Also-" I took out the card I had won before and handed it to Jounouchi. "I heard about the card thing, and if you can't enter without the card, you should take it; not like I can use the damn thing in my deck anyway." I muttered the last part to myself as the kid took the card and looked at it for a few seconds.

"... You know what? You keep it." Eh? "I realized something, back when you were dueling dat creep. I realized that it's not da cards that make the duelist, but that it's how the duelist utilizes all of 'is cards to their max potential that makes a duelist truly worthwhile. So keep Red-Eyes, if only until me and you have a duel and I win 'im back fair and square! I'm sure he can come in handy at some point for you anyway, even _if_ 'e don't fit in with all your fancy new card types." "What is this, an episode of _Family Matters_ -" The kid just laughed and waved me off. "Nah! But seriously, while I want Red-Eyes back in my deck, I want to win 'im back fair and square! So after this is all over, and if we don't face off in the finals later on, it'll just be me an' you, a duel, no magical powers involved, so that I can win back my Red-Eyes!"

"... Seriously, is there a close circuit T.V. somewhere that's live broadcasting this shit-"

"But Jounouchi! You need Red-Eyes to be able to compete, otherwise, you don't have a rare enough card to use for your ante!" "Ah, but dat's where you're wrong, Yug! I still got this!" "What is that, _Time Wizard_?" I leaned in and squinted at the card, vaguely making out what it was. "Time Wizard is a rare enough card to use as an ante?" "Yep! I checked this mornin', and it's rare enough to ante up, so I'm still going strong into this tournament, baby!" "Seriously, kid, you _sure_ you don't want your Red-Eyes back?" "O' course I do- but I'll be winning it back in a duel, so keep it safe for me, got it?" "Rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiight, got it." I slowly grabbed the extended card back from him and put it randomly into my deck, just to make extra sure he saw I put it in there in the first place.

I was _so_ removing it first chance I got-

"Well, today is going to be extremely hectic, so we should all part ways as well, to go find more locator cards." I stood up as the other two did the same. "Here's to hoping we'll all somehow make it into the finals." I tipped my flask in their direction, and bottomed it out. "Yeah! I can't WAIT for a chance to duel either of ya'- maaaaaaan, I'm so hyped, I gotta go find me a duel right now! See ya' later!" And with that, Jounouchi ran off to find himself a duelist to get cards and locators from.

"Okay, so now that _he's_ gone, I gotta ask; you're a chick, right?"

* * *

"Jesus fucking CHRIST, how hard is it to find a duel in a city that is doing _nothing_ but exactly that right now?!" I complained to the sky as I continued down a beaten path to _god knows where_ (And he wasn't fucking telling me!), in the middle of seemingly nowhere. "Already hours in, and I have yet to even obtain a SECOND locator card- I just know Seto's laughing it up at me right now, somewhere." I muttered to myself as I stuffed my hands in my pockets and continued on. "I can already imagine it, she must be saying-" "You poor duelist…" "Okay, not exactly the words I would go for, but sure, that sounds like- Seto Kaiba?" Blinking, I turned another corner, and came across an odd sight.

"Using these rare cards, I want you to make your deck stronger- invincible! And then we'll duel, but if you lose, it's bye-bye 'Rare' cards." Okay, so I WASN'T just hearing voices in my head(Again-). "Well, well, well- if it isn't Seto Kaiba in the flesh! I haven't seen you since… Whenever the last chapter was-" I walked out of the alley I was in and started making my way to the Kaiba siblings, unconscious by stander, and grinning fool rummaging through a suitcase of childrens trading cards.

Why can my life never be SIMPLE-

"Hmph, Setsumei. Why am I not surprised you're taking a walk down a dump to find duelists- afraid you'll have to face a REAL duelist?" "I don't know, I haven't actually _fought one_ yet so I wouldn't know." Oooooooh, burn! "What do you want?" And now she was annoyed- god do I love my job. "Well, despite what you might think, I actually WAS walking down this crap chute to find someone to duel, because ever since this morning, I haven't been able to find jack shit to duel, and ever since the beat down on the _one_ guy I dueled, everyone is afraid to even come near me for fear of losing." "I know the feeling.""Yeah, I suppose being the host of this here tournament isn't exactly doing you any favors with the cowards either- well, it's been fun, but I have to go find some idiots to duel so I can make it to the finals." Wait! You should stick around for another 5 minutes, my brother is about to teach this jerk a lesson!" "Eh? What this moron do-" Ignoring the indignant shout from said moron, I looked him over. "He doesn't really seem like much; why's Seto wasting time curb stomping the fool?" "Because not only did he break multiple Battle City rules, but he also almost assaulted me!" "Did he now? Hmmmmm. Well, I DO love me some karmic retribution- ah, what the hell? Sure, I'll stay to watch the beat down." Lowering myself against a nearby wall, I pulled out a flask and started drinking from it.

Within a few minutes, the two were across from each other, and ready to duel. The punk Seto was about to kick the ass of looked rather ticked, though- must have had to do with all the people already saying he was about to get his ass served to him on a silver platter, an apple up his ass with his pink piggy tail all curled up and pretty looking.

Never a nice thing for someone's attitude.

Pretty soon, the duel was over, it ending faster than it took for the idiot to complete his deck(Seto just used the same combo she had used on me for this punk- said punk, sadly, didn't have a counter for it like me, however, and promptly shit his pants as Obelisk 'Obliterated'.). "Huh. Never expected to like seeing someone ELSE kick a guy's ass in a duel- I should do that more often, involves less work, with the same amount of ass kickery when I do it." I pulled out a new flask(The seventh one ever since I got here-) as Mokuba rushed over to Seto, talking about how awesome 'He' was as I started drinking. "Hmph. You should be more worried, Setsumei- our last duel was a fluke; I won't be falling for your cards trick a second time." "That's IF you duel me- as it stands, you could very likely face and lose to someone else in duel before me and lose that 'God' of yours. Or, the more likely option, I get _waaaaaaaaay_ too lazy, and decide this tournament is too much effort and just stop trying to collect locator cards altogether." "Impossible- I gave out exactly 48 locator cards; if you were to give up now, there would only be 7 finalists, and someone with 5 locator cards who couldn't manage to get to where the finals are being held." "Sucks to be that person then, doesn't it?" "It'll be even _worse_ for you, if I find out Yugi or someone who holds the OTHER God cards was held up all because YOU didn't want to put forth effort."

If only Seto knew I got off on making her _pissed_ -

"Oh _no_ , I'm so scared!" I waved my forearms in the air mockingly. "What _ever_ shall I do once the big, bad, Seto Kaiba gets MAD- gah!" I didn't get to finish that sentence before I was pulled up in the air by my collar by a not so pleased Kaiba. "You damn well _should_ be, because if I don't have EXACTLY 8 competitors over at where the finals are being held by TONIGHT, your definition of hell is about to be re-written in the morgue!" "... Have I ever told you how hard I get when I get manhandled by a woman-" I grunted and grinned as she just pushed me into the wall behind me, disgusted. "Let's go, Mokuba." "Right, big brother!" I watched the two silently leave- but not before grabbing their cards and packing them into the suitcase, which Seto took and carried off with her as they left the alley.

"Man." I clicked my tongue as I walked the opposite way out of the alley. "Now I actually NEED to put in effort; if only to even _lose_ my locator card. And it'd be too much of a hassle losing in a duel- I LIKE my Maestro card, thank you! It depicts me… Albeit, in a weird, priest robe with a manic grin and rusty flute, but still!" I grunted as I dragged my feet across the ground even further, trying to find a duelist to steal(I mean, _win_ -) a locator card from.

But there was none in sight, save for a duel already in progress between what looked like a walking bug and-

"Jou-whatever-the-hell-that-kid's-name-was?" I blinked and made my way over to the sidelines of the fight. "And- what the hell is that on his field?" Further investigation lead me to believe it was an Parasite Paracide- and while I had absolutely no clue what kind of deck he used, an _insect_ one diiiiiiiiiiidn't really seem to fit the bill quite too well. "Hey, the hell are you doing, kid?!" I yelled out to him as him., his opponent, and the other spectators(An old man, a teenage girl, and some Brit- stop me if you've heard this one before.) looked over to where I was standing. "You're losing- now, I can't say I really know you too well… Or at all, really, but I know for a fact that whoever it is, doesn't lose to some measly insect-" "Hey!" "No, 'e's right! Katsuya Jounouchi is the master of 'is future! And in dat future, 'e don't lose until 'e reaches the top; especially to some dumb insect like _Insector_ _Haga_!" Insector Ha-

WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THESE PEOPLE'S DRINKING WATER?!

Thank god I bring my own rum-

"I'll put all my monsters in Defense mode, and that's it! Turn over!" You know, for a 'Master of his own future', he sure doesn't play like it- "Hyuk Hyuk!" The fuck, was I magically teleported to Disneyland?

Where's Goofy?!

"That's right! There's nothing you can do! MY TURN!" The weird bug man just drew and continued on with his play. "I summon Ari, the Soldier Ant!" "That's no good; the Insect Queen is just going to rise in power until absolutely nothing left in the kids deck will be able to stop it." I clicked my tongue as I watched the Queens power rise up with the new insect on the field. "Not like he can really do anything _anyway_ \- Parasite Paracide and that insect douchebag's Insect Barrier is preventing any offense on the kids side, so unless he can destroy that thing soon, he'll be whittled down to nothing." "No! I just know Jounouchi has something in his deck that can't be affected by this Parasite, I just know it!" I slowly turned my head to the side, and then looked down to see the old man who was just over on the other side of the field had appeared at my side in an instant.

"... Are you Jackie Chan-" "No, but I get that a lot." "ATTACK, YOUR CHITINOUS MAJESTY!" Glancing back at the duel, it seemed the Insect Queen was about to destroy the weirdly transformed Panther Warrior(Or at least, I think it was- it would be pretty stupid to destroy the Paracide at this stage of the duel, to be honest.). "QUEEN'S HELL BREATH! THE PANTHER WARRIOR DIES!" Called it. "OOOOH, LOOK! The Queen laid another egg!" Wait, what-

That thing lays _eggs_?!

Dear god, they finally merged two species together- and it was a chicken and some insect this time!

Oh the humanity!... I wonder if those things would still be edible, though-

"Come on out! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!" Okay, if the name 'Insector Haga' wasn't already laughable, this guy's childhood nickname could easily pass off as Goofy. "Now I've got you, Jounouchi! Make your last turn good! Hyuk hyuk hyuk!" Dear god, and I thought Goofy was annoying in Kingdom Hearts- "Jounouchi, don't give up!" "You can do it!" MOTHER FUCKER! Were _all_ of Yugi's friends ninja's that would give me heart attacks at some point?! "Aren't you going to say anything to help Jounouchi out?" Who, _me_?

The guy barely knows me, why the hell would he need MY motivation?!

But considering the glare this chick who apparently gets off on friendship is giving me, I might want to say a few things before I'm missing a few vital organs that make me the manly man I am today.

"Um, yeah, what they said." -Glaring intensifies- "Uh, what I meant to say, was, you can't get our previous Red-Eye's back playing like garbage, so pick up the pace and squash this insects ass already so we can meet in the finals!" Foregoing the fact I still only have _one_ locator card… "DRAW!" Oh look, the kid looks like he's got his second wind- good, because that friendship bitch scares the _crap_ out of me. "Eh?!" "Tough luck! Any monster you summon will become an insect! And as long as I have Insect Barrier, you can't do a thing! THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN WIN, JOUNOUCHI!" "...No. You never know, Haga." "What…?!"

Wow, the dialogue in this duel is just _fascinating_.

"Y'see, I found a weakness in yer Insect Combo!" His friends started to cheer at that. "That's the Spirit!" "Could he possibly have…?" "He sounds so cool… Even if it _is_ a bluff." They have really weird ways of cheering for someone that could possibly still win the duel… "I'm ready!" About time- I was running out of things to write about already. "I play a face-down on the field!" Oh yeah; the _perfect_ counter to this combo that is preventing you from doing anything.

I hope sarcasm is palpable through a computer screen, because I'm carving a doughnut out of what is on my side of it.

"And now- I summon Gearfried the Iron Knight!" Now THATS a counter. "You FOOL! Your warrior is just food for WORMS!" Pretty soon, the Paracide started encroaching upon the knight, ready to pounce and feed off it too- "WHAT? IT DIDN'T WORK?!" "Heh. Gearfried is an IRON KNIGHT! Like a robot! Not even a _parasite_ can live inside a chunk of iron!" Everyone else(Other than the opponent, obviously-) looked impressed. "Jounouchi, I'm impressed!" See? "And since Gearfried's not a bug, he can break through your Insect Barrier! Go, Gearfried, attack the Larva!" The knight seemed to nod as it then jumped up, and landed upon the Larva with it's balade, destroying it.

Jounouchi: 2000/Haga: 1700

"Heh, how's that?" "You stupid…" Wow, didn't think I'd ever see anyone quite so livid at the destruction of a creepy bug- but now I have. "Jounouchi turned the tables!" "No- if he can't avoid the next attack, he'll still lose!" Thanks, _Captain Obvious_ , for your astounding 20/20 vision. "Grrrrrrrrrrrr- JOUNOUCHI! Are you prepared to pay the price for angering the Queen?! I will now show you the Insect Decks deadliest move… The Queen Impact!" The what now? "Soldier Ari enters attack mode! And Activate Magic card 'Multiplication of Ants'!" "No! He made them into army ants!" Such insight, these oh so _brilliant_ people seem to have. "Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk!" God damn it, if he so much as _chuckles_ one more time- "Now I have ten army ants… Do you understand what this means, Jounouchi?!" "That we'll need pest control pretty soon?" Huh.

That sounds like something I'd say(Albeit, in a more reserved manner-)... Maybe I'm rubbing off on him more than I'd expect for only actually meeting him twice before-

"6600 attack!" Wait, what I miss- "This isn't good!" Yeah, _no shit_ \- seriously, are these people from a psyche ward or something?! "Kill him, my Queen!" "Like you say…" Jounouchi just grinned and pointed at Haga. "'You FOOL'! How d'you like dat?" "Huh?!" "Trap activate! Grave-Robber!" Grave-Robber? That sounds promising- "I just can't _stand_ bugs…" Jounouchi gave off an unconvincing apologetic grin as the little grave robber cackled maniacally and pulled out a card from his sack- "SO TAKE THAT!" -And proceeded to spray down the Insect Queen.

... That sounded a lot better in my head.

"GYAAAAAAA!" "Your Queen is DEAD!" "N-N-NO! N-N-NOT M-MY QUEEEEEEEN!" "The game's over… You bug freak! And now it's my turn- Gearfried, get him!" "GYAGGGGGGHHH!"

Jounouchi: 2000/Haga: 0000

"He did it!" "Jounouchi won!" Wow, way to _not_ act surprised, people. "Gee, way ta _not_ act surprised, guys." What the- THIS KID WAS A MINI-ME!

OOOOOOH, I CAN'T WAIT TO TEACH HIM TRICKS!

"H-How can this be?! Y-You're supposed to be an amateur duelist!" Jounouchi just glanced at Haga as he rummaged through his cards for his prize. "Let me tell ya something..." He began as he picked out the Insect Queen' and grabbed two locator cards for his reward. "It's not dat I'm strong- well, okay, it _is_ part of the reason, but the main reason you lost, was because you SUCK, JERK!" Dear god, the resemblance was uncanny. "Well, that certainly was something else, I suppose." I mused to myself as the rest of Jounouchi's friends crowded around him and congratulated him on another win. "You don't see duel victories pulled out of an ass like _that_ very often; though, I really shouldn't be talking considering that's exactly what _I_ do on the daily." I scratched the back of my head as I turned around and started walking away from the scene, thinking about my previous duel with Seto. "Yeah, I _really_ have no room to talk-"

"HEY!" Blinking, I turned around to see what the kid wanted. "Yyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeees?" "Don' forget about our deal, ya hear?! I'll be taking back my Red-Eye's after I beat you in our duel in the finals!" Thinking it over, I allowed myself to smirk a little. "You mean IF you make it to the finals in the first place." "Oh, I'll be getting _first place_ , don't worry about dat; I don' care if I have to plow through Seto-" Cue muffled laughter from me. "-Yugi, and even YOU! Like I said, I'll be the master of my future, and in that future, I'm nowhere but at the TOP!" Heh, this kids got spunk, I'll admit- really does solidify the fact that I found my mini-me. "Aw, don't worry Jounouchi, I'll be sure to leave you a _special seat_ that has the best view of my ass walking up the steps to the top of this tournament, because I just _know_ you love looking at a good ass while you struggle your way to even third place." "Heh, not gonna be hard to find a seat like dat, when from all angles everyone would be looking at an _ass_." Ooooooooh, this one has some bite to it still! "I suppose that's true- after all, when I carry your mother and sister with me, no one will be able to see anything but their asses." "Yeah, well- HEY!" I snickered as I continued my walk away, as the Brit and friendship's bitch held back a steaming Katsuya Jounouchi.

Ah, I do so love tormenting everyone I meet.

But onto more pressing matters-

Now where the hell am I?" I scratched my head once more as I continued my walk down… Somewhere; not knowing where the fuck I was going, or if I'd find anyone to duel, or hell, anyone AT ALL! "I knew I should have taken a left at Albuquerque." I moaned to myself as I held my head in my hands. "You know what, I blame the blonde haired punk- if I hadn't been laughing my ass off at him, I'd notice where I was going!... Albeit, even _then_ I'd still have no clue where I was going because I know Domino City about as well as God's _ass_ , but still!" I growled as I stopped where I was and yelled to the sky.

"GOD DAMN IT, I JUST WANT TO FIND A FUCKING DUEL ALREADY SO I CAN PROGRESS WITH BOTH MY LIFE _AND_ THIS STUPID STORY!" "Then perhaps we can help each other." I turned around to see who would actually _take_ that offer from a stark raving mad street looking punk, only to pause.

"A creepy Japanese emo mime that speaks? I can work with that."

 **Though there is ALSO the little detail of Locator cards- and because I am such a nice Senpai(*COUGH* horse shit *COUGH* *COUGH*), and also because I'm not sure how long I am going to take to get to the Finals, and even** ** _I_** **need to keep track of this shit, I am going to go ahead and write out who has how many locator cards, and how many are still out for grabs, and ect. ect.**

 **So here's the list!**

 **Mu Setsumei Uxukie: 1 Locator Card**

 **Yugi Mutou: 2 Locator Cards**

 **Mai Kujaku: 2 Locator Cards**

 **Katsuya Jounouchi: 4 Locator Cards**

 **Seto Kaiba: 4 Locator Cards**

 **?: 4 Locator Cards**

 **?: 6 Locator Cards**

 **?: 6 Locator Cards**

 **Still winnable Locator Cards: 19**


	3. Drunk, the cards does not one make

**And the awesomeness of Yu-Gi-Oh is back!**

 **Chapter took a while longer than I had thought to finish; the beginning and middle of the duel were easy to write, then it got progressively harder as the end popped up, not sure why. But anyway, it's here now, so enjoy the show... Fanfiction, Manga, thing-**

 **LOVE YOUR SENPAI!**

"... You got a name, creepy pedophilic American punk mime?" I finally asked after 5 minutes of awkward silence and just standing in the middle of the road(Really, it was a miracle the roads were closed, or I'd have been run over by at least 10 different cars-). "My name is unimportant-" "Are you that Malik guy Yugi called to tell me about that can control people's minds with his Millennium item and uses it to duel people with Penalty Games using other's bodies so he doesn't lose anything when he inevitably loses?" "... It's Marik, actually-" "And what's with the body, dude? Was the shop all out of muscular oiled up, tan men for you to use instead?" "Ha, ha. No, actually, this body is of a mime that went crazy years ago, back when he killed his parents. And because of it, he shut out his entire being inside his mind, making him just an emotionless husk for which I use to do my bidding!"

"... You know, going that far to test out the whole 'Sit on your hand then masturbate and see if it's like getting a handjob from someone' thing is kind of sad." "I DON'T USE IT FOR THINGS LIKE _THAT_ , YOU NIMROD!" A raised eyebrow. "And on a totally unrelated note, it is _not_ like a handjob- but anywho! If God didn't want me to control people like this, he wouldn't have made the human mind so very _fragile_ and susceptible to my mind control. Really, it's childs-play to go into a mind, and rearrange things to have the person follow my every whim!" "Yeah, God really fucked up when it came to the hoomahns, I tell ya. Preaching to the choir, brother." "Yes, it is truly terri- wait, what?" "Hoomahns really are such fragile things- one wrong move, and they _break_! While it usually comes in quite handy, it's also rather sad; I mean, back in the old days, it took quite a fair bit to break your average hoomahn, but nowadays, all you need to do is rip off all their nails, chop off a finger/toe or two afterwards, pierce a nipple or three, and it's not so much about getting them to talk as it is getting them to shut the _hell_ up!"

"... Right. Disregarding the fact you are more broken then the Millennium Puzzle was a year ago, we have a duel to talk about!" "And you know, that's another thing- what is stopping me from just saying 'No' and walking away, leaving you in my not-so -proverbial dust?" "... Uh, Duelist Pride?" "Tch, damn pride- too bad I have too much of it to back down now!" Activating the duel disk, I waited for the Mr. Mime's emo younger brother to do the same. "Ha ha! Fool! You don't seem to realize that if I win, this puppet will kill you! It's in it's programming! No matter how much you run or hide, it will find you- and it _will_ kill you!" "Yeah, yeah, just stop talking before I get a lawsuit for copy-right infringement, you damn Cirque De So Gay reject. And speaking of gay, why the hell are you after me, specifically, and not the person you seem to have a grudge against, or the guy with the card that could kick your _ass_ if used instead- looking for a fine piece of meat before you take over the world? Sorry, but while I'm creeped out, I'm not a bottom… Or gay, actually-" "I'm not coming after you for a piece of tail, _jackass_ ; I'm coming after you because my hunters have told me you had the means to defeat the God cards, WITHOUT a God card! And while Obelisk is arguably the weakest of the three God's, destroying it without the use of another God is next to impossible, but you did it anyway. And while I am confident you wouldn't be able to defeat _my_ personal God card, I am not one to leave things to chance; so I am finishing you here, before you can get to the finals and ruin my plans for it!"

"Yeeeeeeeeeah, well, whatever it is you're doing, can it hurry along already? In the span of our entire conversation, I've already drank a dozen out of my three dozen flasks, and I'm gonna need a refill soon." "For the love of- DUEL!"

Mu: 4000/Malik(IT'S MARIK, YOU TWIT!): 4000

"My draw! I hope you're ready for it!" Drawing his card, he looked at it(Was that even necessary for this kind of thing?) and made his move. "I'll play a face down, and then summon humanoid Slime in Attack Mode!" As the slimy creature appeared on the field, I noticed it's Attack points. "Pffft, 800 attack? That's rich, now let me show you a damn play!" Taking my own card from my deck as the mime ended his turn, I took note that it wasn't exactly the best hand.

Oh well, didn't stop me in poker, wouldn't stop me here-

Though I was hoping to actually keep my clothes with me after this was done, unlike with the poker…

"Aight, it's mah move, so let's git widit!" "The hell, you aren't black-" "Let's put down a card, and then summon my dear Devouring Beast!" Once the Hollow was summoned onto the field, the body across from me scoffed(Or, scoffed as well as an unfeeling puppet controlled by another man who wasn't anywhere near us could scoff-). "Is THIS the amazingly spectacular new Spirit type monster I was hearing so much about? It doesn't look like it can do much of anything!" "Oh really? Well, you'd be right- but that's why we have a little thing called EVOLUTION!" Taking out the next creature in the line of the evolution as the Devouring Beast was sent to my removed from play pile, I played it in Attack Mode. "Let's-a-go, Huge Hollow!" "Who the hell came up with the name for these things, anyway? Sounds like a 9 year old did them." "900, actually- I mean, leave my monsters alone you damn cretin! But with that, I'll also end my turn." "Oh? You didn't attack my vulnerable monster? Awfully cautious of you… Or should I say _cowardly_?" "Don't know, all I remember your mom saying last night was my name." "My mother's _dead_." I smirked. "I know."

"... You know, I originally wanted you to at least stay alive to see SLIFER THE SKY DRAGON… But now, I can't bring myself to care." Drawing another card, the mime smirked(Again, as best an unfeeling puppet could make facial expressions.). "I'll summon Worm Drake next! And then, play a spell card, to FUSE THEM BOTH!" Ahhhhhh, shit. "Combine to form Humanoid Drake!" 2200, eh? Well, at least fusion monsters can't attack the same turn they are summoned- "Or _can_ they?" Huh. Didn't realize I had spoken out loud for any dumbasses with magical ancient artifacts to read- "Hey! I am not a dumbass!" "Oh yeah? Well you're gonna feel like one you keep reading my mind." "HA! I'd like to see that hap- OH DEAR LORD! Why is that man doing… And that fat woman… IT'S JUST EVERYWHERE!"

Told him.

"Grrrr, AH! Enough of this tomfoolery! I flip my face down up, revealing Quick Attack!" "Quick Attack? Silly Mr. Mime, Swalot can't learn Quick Attack, it's not a Diggersby-" "THAT'S IT! SLIME DRAKE, END HIS STUPID EXISTENCE!" As the Slime made it's way to my monster, I saw the mime starting to look smug(Really now, I am getting such good training on how to tell emotion on a mime's face from this duel-). "How does it feel to know your worthless life is soon about to meet its abrupt end?" "Feels a lot like the first time I married, actually." As the Drake destroyed my monster, I pulled out a flask and started drinking from it. "And just like that, you activated my spell card; Homeward, Evolution!" As the spell flipped up, revealing a monster sinking into the depths of the sand of Hueco Mundo, I started to explain the card's effect. "Whenever one of my Hollow monsters is destroyed in battle and sent to the graveyard, a number of things happen; one, this card can be used as a replacement card for the field spell 'Hueco Mundo', where it gains the name, and abilities of the actual card." Soon, the spell card vanished, and the area around us was once again turned into a desert wasteland. "And then secondly, depending on if the first effect had to be activated, I can do one of two things, but seeing as how I did activate the first effect, I'll have to go with the effect that lets me summon the next line in the evolution from either my hand or deck, so come on out, Gillian!" When the monster appeared on my side of the field, I continued. "Ah, but that was only the beginning! Also, because of Homeward, Evolution! I get to now use said monster I summoned, to counter-attack your own monster!" "But- your monster still has less than my own!" As the monster shot even more oil today, I let out a grin. "I know." Soon enough, the fire had reached the Slime, but did nothing as it sped through it to my own monster, and crushed it.

Mu: 2900/Merlin(MARIK, GOD DAMN IT!): 4000

"I don't really see the reason for letting _another_ of your monsters die, but it's your funeral." "Yeah- mine, my monsters, and your own slowly fading monster as well." "My- WHAT?!" As the mime looked in shock(... You know what I'm going to say already by now.) at his own monster that was slowly dissolving into pixels, he looked back to me for explanation. "Yes, well, you see, that would happen to be the cards third effect; after the two monsters do battle, both of them will then be removed from play." As his monster finally vanished from the field, I saw the mime just stand there, apparently thinking, before it… _Grinned_ (As best a walking, talking, _wall_ could grin, anyway.). "The rumors don't lie- you have quite the talent, Mu Setsumei Uxukie… You are a duelist in every sense of the word! There are very few like you out there, and it _excites_ me!" "Okay, didn't need to know about your boner over there, but thanks for the compliment. Now lets just go!" Drawing another card, as it was now my turn, I looked it over and was thankful it was something I could use.

"Alright, I think playtime is over! I'm going to remove my Huge Hollow from the graveyard, and cast it from play! And _then_ , I'm going to special summon my Arrancar into attack position! But that's not all, because thanks to Hueco Mundo's affect, the cost requirement to special summon the next line in the evolution by removing cards from play decreases by one, so I can also special summon the Elite Fraccion." As the monsters appeared on my field, I decided to indulge the mind controlling douche on the other end of the field. "Now, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret weakness to my deck, here, Marvin-" "It's _Marik_!" "Usually, I can only remove from play two monsters per turn to special summon a monster." The puppet seemed intrigued(I say seemed, because I honestly couldn't tell with that god damn million dollar poker face anymore-) at that little tidbit of information. "But with Hueco Mundo on the field, that limit is _increased_ to three! And I'll be using that limit to the full advantage by getting these two bozo's out of here, and tagging in Proximo Espada and Vasto Lorde!" Soon enough, some of my decks strongest monsters were on the field, ready to destroy the opposition. "Oh yeah, I'm badass, I know it. And I'll show it by ending my turn here, your move- make it count, otherwise, you might find yourself dead come my next move if you don't." "Oh, I'll make it count, alright, and we'll start by summoning Revival Jam in Defense Mode!" Ugh, hate that thing- "And then it's also time to start up my Jam Breeding Machine!"

And I hate that thing even more!

No one likes _jam_ \- it's what we have jelly for!

"This device produces one slime every turn; however, I can't summon anymore monsters in the meantime. Though, I already expect you to know of this-" Yeah, yeah. Keep reading my mind, dick-weed. "I will- OH GOD, THE VISION OF GOKU MAKING OUT WITH VEGETA! AND WHAT ARE THEY USING THEIR TAILS FOR?!"

You'd think he'd learn after the first time.

"Alright, jack wagon, it's my turn; and I'll start it off by destroying that slime of yours! Proximo, Double Vortex Strike!" Watching the Proximo Espada pull a sword out of nowhere, and then start slashing the air rapidly and repeatedly, a tornado soon appeared and started to tear it's way over to the slime. "Aaaaaand, it's gone." I smirked as the tornado devastated the slime, sending chunks of it everywhere. "Now all that's left is to-" I then also watched as the chunks pulled back together, forming the slime again. "... Watch it reform." "Ha ha ha! It's futile! Your monster's attacks are useless; it's as if they are attacking water itself! You can't destroy it!" I slapped my face and slowly dragged it down to show my annoyance at that. "You know, for a children's card game, this game shows a lot of physic mechanics such as the three states of matter and their relationship to each other." I dryly pointed out as I placed two cards face down, and ended my turn. "But, it's still no skin off my teeth- I know that the slimes that thing produces are going to be in attack mode, and liquid or not, you're still going to lose life points when I-"

"Nightmare Steel Cage!

God, did I hate God and his card choices.

"You know what- fuck it! Go ahead, summon your stupid God card, see what I care! Just know, that I have a little present for it once it shows up! I'm just that _considerate_!" I growled out as the third slime token appeared on the field. "How very generous of you to allow me the opportunity to do exactly that!" The mime spoke sarcastically(At least inflection was easy to figure out when it was some gay, Egyptian boys voice("Hey!") instead of the regular gritty emo emotionless voice it should have been.) as the three tokens disappeared from the field. "Now, the harkening of a new angel, the destroyer of empires, the murderer of thousands! Come forth, SLIFER, THE SKY DRAGON(3000/3000)!" Just like with Obelisk, lightning flashed(Lightning? We didn't even get rain in this place!) through the sky as the already pitch dark night time of Hueco Mundo somehow _darkened_ even more(Don't ask me, ask a scientist or something… Oh wait-) and a red object started to rise from the sands behind the mime.

"Alright, this entrance somehow _trumps_ Obelisk's- maybe it has something to do with the sand and already pitch black skyline." I muttered to myself as I witnessed the dragon God in it's full glory. "THIS- is one of the three Egyptian God cards! You've seen Obelisk before, but even HE pales in comparison to my God cards!" "You know, there's a _real_ God out there somewhere, and I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be happy with anyone about these things." I made small talk as the dragon approached my position and roared in my face. "... You know, I thought this entire duel was just holographic, but I'm pretty sure there is literal dragon spit on my face, now." "You are not frozen in fear, like the others who have faced this card- then you must be just as excited as I am to see it in it's full glory!" "Not nearly as much as you are… By the way, you should probably stop having your puppets wear leather pants from now on… Or at least make them wear _boxers_ -" "Yes, yes, that is all well and good-" "Not for my psyche, nor for my therapist, it isn't-" "But after your next turn, the Nightmare Steel Cage will vanish, and nothing can stop me from ending you!" "Except just about every card in my deck…" "What was that?" "Nothing! Nothing."

Quickly drawing another card, I looked over my hand, trying to find a way out of this. "Damn." I muttered to myself as I had nothing. "Alright, I'll place both my monsters in Defense Mode, and end my turn." "Heh, heh, heh. And now the Steel Cage disappears. Draw!" Drawing his card, Slifer's attack then boosted to 4000. "And now- I can destroy your Vasto Lorde!" As Slifer approached my monster, I readied my card. "Now, Slifer, ATTA-"

"Not so fast!"

Quickly activating my trap, it revealed itself to be 'All or Nothing', with the picture of two men in suits of armor, barely able to stand, with different assortments of weapons stuck inside their bleeding bodies, but both were still grinning. "You activated my trap card; All or Nothing! And what this card does, is allows both of us to choose a monster on each side of our field." I chose Vasto Lorde while he chose Slifer(Obviously-). "And then, as a precaution, each of us sends ALL the cards in our hands to the graveyard." I smirked as I could almost see the horror on the mind controllers face as he had to send all his cards to the graveyard, dropping his monsters attack points to zero. "And then BOTH monsters are switched to attack position, and forced to fight each other." I grinned my Vasto Lorde was forced to go fight the now attackless dragon. "Meteoric Descent!" My Vasto Lorde then jumped up, high into the air, and started spinning as he descended, creating a lot of friction that soon heated up his legs into flames, about to slam the dragon into the ground. "Game, set and-" As the kick was about to connect, the slime from earlier came careening in, and took the kick for the dragon. "Slime?!" "Ha ha! You activated Jam Defender!" Bleh, who the hell would want to defend jam?... Besides the Brits, at least- "And then you also activate _another_ spell card as Revival Jam comes back from the graveyard; Card of Safe Return!" Aaaaaaaaah, come on! When the hell did he set _that_ down?! "And I think you know what that, means." Sadly, yes.

Mu: 2800/Marik(IT'S MALIK, YOU- wait, NOW YOU'VE GOTTEN ME CONFUSED!): 4000

"Goodbye, you prince of New England." I waved the slowly disintegrating Vasto Lorde goodbye as it was engulfed in the beam of the dragon. "You Duke of York." I continued to wave as the monster _very_ slowly disintegrated in the beam. "You King of Maryland." Okay, seriously, how long did it take to roast a Hollow to oblivion? "Ah, there we go." Finally, the dragon stopped shooting the beam(Hell, even _it_ looked tired after that whole thing.) as it moved back to the mimes side of the field. "HA HA HA! FOOL! YOU CAN'T HOPE TO BEAT _GOD_ -" "Listen, you little punk ass Egyptian pretty boy; just shut the fuck up, and let me do my thing, alright? Alright." Taking that as my cue to take my turn, I picked up a card and saw what I was _kind of_ looking for. "Okay, you wanted to see the card that destroyed Obelisk? That's fine- cause you're about to see it! This monster is very delicate, I'll have you know, and it shows in the fact that unless I have the three top ranking evolution lines on the field to sacrifice and summon him, or have all the evolution lines removed from play, I can't summon him; _at all_. It's what also makes him a great trump card, because he can't be used against me unless my opponent has the exact same deck I do; which is just ridiculous to even ponder." I laughed at the very possibility as the monster on my field dissolved and went to a far away place(I wonder where that even _is_ , anyway?), along with the one in my graveyard. "Now then, please welcome the Rude Gentleman-" "Isn't that a contradictory statement?" "-The Curandero Maestro!"

As soon as that was said, a white blur sped out of a nearby sand dune, and raced past me to stand in front, grinning like a lune all the while. "Please give a hand, to the improper ladies man, and funky fresh DJ on Saturday nights; The Curandero Maestro!" I grinned as the monster grinned itself and started cackling. "And now that he's on the field, I think it's time to say goodbye to your-" "Not so fast! Slifer has an ability I haven't told you yet!" "Oh, _please_. Nothing is going to stop me from killing that overgrown lizard over there-" "It's a _GOD_! And you might want to listen to this, because every time a monster is summoned onto the field, Slifer's effect makes that monster lose 2000 attack points!"

… Okay, that might be a problem- "Well, it sucks that you didn't do your research, because my Maestro has a special little ability that I'm sure you'll find interesting." I took a sip form another of my flasks as the Maestro cackled and stuck it's long tongue out, basically slobbering the face of the mime as it showed the card it stole to the owner. "... I think you should check _again_ on your own facts, little xawal." "The _fuck_ did you just call me, moxannas hayawaan-" Motioning for my monster to show me the card after seeing the giant sky dragon charging up _something_ in it's upper mouth, I looked to see what had gone wrong. "Oh, you _son of a bitch_! WRONG MONSTER, YOU IDIOT!" I seethed as the monster looked at me confused, then looked at it's tongue, with it's eyes popping out comically after seeing it had grabbed the _Revival Jam's_ card, instead.

"I hate you." Huh, hating myself- more shit to bring up with the therapist I mused as the dragon blasted my monster with it's fire, and I could almost see the sand beneath us turn to glass as it did so. "I didn't exactly ask for fried Maestro for lunch!" I yelled over the flames as the burst finally ended, and my monster was just standing there now, a charred crisp with only 1000 attack points. "You okay?" It just fell over in response. "Dumb ass." That being said, I soon joined him on the ground, clutching my burning hand after I tried to grab another of my _metal_ flasks.

Like reality, like card they always say.

… Or they should start saying-

"Alright, but now that we have the stupid card with us, now would be an excellent time to kick it's gelatinous ass to the grave. Go!" Shakily getting up, the Maestro coughed up some soot, then shook its head before forming 5 glowing green skulls around itself, spinning them around it's body before it sent them out towards the slime, soon exploding in noxious green gas, that ate away at the slimes substance before it dissipated fully, sent to the graveyard. "Tch. About damn time that piece of taffy was disposed of." I sighed as I ended my turn directly after that, having nothing left to do.

"Oh? So you decided to keep it in Attack position and destroy my slime once and for all? I must say, I wasn't expecting that- but I'll certainly take it! Slifer, end the duel in the name of the NEW King of Games!" "Actually, there is no King of Games, though there is a Queen-" I didn't get to finish before the giant beam from before engulfed both me and my monster. "HA HA HA! And so ends the tirade of a begrudgingly decent Duel Monsters player! I will admit, he was able to do something no one else was capable of before in messing up my Ultimate Combo, but in the end, the God card by itself was more than enough to deal with-" "My abocas…" "WHAT?!" Looking over in my direction as the smoke cleared, he saw me lying on the ground, twitching as smoke billowed off of me(And not the fun type of smoke, either…).

Mu: 0800/Martin(FOR THE LAST TIME- ah, forget it!): 4000

"So this is what it feels like to be fried chicken… I think I've found a newfound respect for a delicious food type… Still won't stop me from eating it, though." Trying to stand up back up, I winced as the burns across my body(I THOUGHT THIS CHILDREN'S GAME WAS _SOLELY_ HOLOGRAPHIC?!) started acting up and settled for kneeling on the ground. " _Really_ wishing I wasn't in this Gigai so I'd be able to brush these things off and get back to dueling…"

"SETSUMEI!"

Glancing to the side where the voice originated, I finally noticed the Kaiba's were standing atop a nearby sand dune(Which, probably used to be the high way… It is _really_ convenient that the roads were closed for today.) looking at our duel. "YOU'VE BEATEN A GOD BEFORE, HAVEN'T YOU? THEN WHAT'S STOPPING YOU FROM BESTING _ANOTHER_?!" Grunting, I slowly stood back up. "SCREW YOU, YOU DAMN RICH BOY! IT'S NOT MY FAULT I FEEL LIKE I GOT CHARBROILED LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY THANKS TO _YOUR_ STUPID DUELING SYSTEM!" "FORGET ABOUT THE PAIN, AND FOCUS ON WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT, YOU IDIOT!" "THE _FUCK_ IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WELL BEING OF MY BODY- _A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME_?!" "EXACTLY! NOW GET UP, FIND A WAY TO KICK THIS GUYS ASS, TAKE HIS GOD CARD, AND MAKE IT TO THE FINALS ALREADY!"

Finally straightening out, I instinctively reached for another of my flasks, but remembered the last time, and so just sighed. "Thanks for the pep talk, Seto- though it was unnecessary as I already knew how I was going to win this duel from the beginning, I appreciate the thought. You should really try out for the cheerleading team at your school, though, if you can be that motivational with such a simple thing like a childs card game, I'm sure you'll fit in juuuuuust fine." "Fuck you, too. Now finish this duel already, so I can get on with my life and kick your ass in the finals to get that card myself." "Yes, honey, whatever you say." Turning away as she started growling, I looked over at the still shocked mime(WHo, for once, was actually showing some level of emotion on it's face… Maybe from getting it's target taken so abruptly away like that-) and decided to elaborate. "Yeah, you should really take the advice you gave me that I gave you first to heart, Mr. Mime; what you didn't know, was that so long as Hueco Mundo is on the field, the Curandero Maestro automatically gains 1000 Attack points in every battle he's in with a monster of a different Attribute he is, allowing me to live by just a sliver- but that sliver is gonna come back to bite you in the ass, however, so be prepared to lose." "And there you go again, with your heretical way of thinking! NOTHING can destroy a God of Slifer's caliber! It is nowhere near as weak as _Obelisk_ is to die to something that isn't a God itself!"

"Hey!"

"Hope you have some ketchup to go with your words, cause you're going to eat them once I'm through with you!" Drawing my next card, I didn't even have to look at it before I started my play. "You may have destroyed the Curandero Maestro, but to be perfectly honest, he wasn't really the monster I had that would be the counter to Slifer; in fact, he's basically only a useful counter to Obelisk, really. While the Curandero Maestro can take a cards effect, it also means if it's activatable when he takes it, it will activate, meaning my monsters Attack and Defense would have been as high as the cards in my hand, and considering my 'Get rid of the cards in my hand as fast as possible' play style, it's a terrible choice for a counter. But if you don't believe me, ask the man himself." Grinning, I watched as the ash pile that was directly under where the Maestro had stood 5 minutes ago start rising, taking form into a human shape, and then starting to color, until a copy of the similarly grinning Maestro stood back onto my field.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" "Not really, crazy Egyptian gay boy. You see, you apparently forgot your own monsters effect, which lets it come back from the graveyard when it is destroyed; and trust me, that dragon of yours _really_ destroyed my monster, let me tell ya-" The look the revived monster gave me was not amused, which was funny, because _I_ certainly found that funny… Ignoring the burns scattered across my body, at least- "But he won't be here long enough to have a friendly chat, because he'll be leaving the field so that I can summon the _real_ counter I had to Slifer the Sky Dragon!" The monster didn't seem to appreciate that, though, as while it still stood with its back facing me, it turned its right hand toward me and gave me quite the rude gesture as it dissipated off the field. "Well, ignoring my monsters lack of tact, I'll just move on- just like the Curandero Maestro, this new monster is _very_ picky on how it is summoned, and it just so happens that it can only be special summoned if 'The Curandero Maestro' is also on the field to act as a sacrifice, or if the first three monsters in the evolution line are on the field to act as a sacrifice instead. So please give a warm welcome to your _demise_ ; the JoJo's Bizarre Stalker, The Exequias Maestro, Sybiank(Nine Star, Earth SPIRIT; Effect Monster: 4000/2000)!"

Now, when one hears the words 'Exequias Maestro', you'd expect something of epic proportion, something on par, if not GREATER than the Curandero Maestro to appear on the card, to instill fear into the enemies and make them crap their pants as they shiver and plead for their lives.

The giant walking potato with stick figure arms and legs wearing a red cap, holding a potato peeler, and wearing a Caesar headband while making a Caesar pose was _not_ that image.

"I was told just how horrific it would look; and yet it still looks far worse than anything I was told or imagined." I spoke to myself as the potato started doing what it thought was 'Cool moves'. "What… On Earth is that, and how do I end it's existence?" "It's unkillable, Seto- _God knows how many times I've tried to, before_." That last part was muttered as on the opposite end of the field, the mime was _actually_ gaping, while even Slifer looked confused beyond imagining. "A… Potato. He summoned… A potato… That he claims… Will kill Slifer- the _God_. You know what? Nope. Uh-uh. Not having it. Done with this bullshit, I'm DONE!"

You know you've hit the max scale of anger when even your mindless drone that you're controlling from miles away mentally shows intense signs of your immense _rage_.

"Uh, you okay there, buddy? You look like you could use an advil… Or _ten_ -" I watched skeptically as the mime just started laughing hysterically. "Okay? _Okay_?! I'm just peachy-keen! Nothing to see here! Just an insane Egyptian man about to pass the speed limit as he angrily rides his motorcycle to the place you are at so he can _personally_ run you over and watch as the life slowly slips from your eyes as he gorges himself on popcorn seeing the event happen right in front of his eyes!" "... You don't sound peachy-keen to me-" "Nnnnn ha HA! FUNNY! Funny guy! Slifer- kill the funny guy and his funny potato friend!" Just as the ability of Slifer was about to activate, I activated my trap card instead. "Not so fast- I activate the trap card 'Reverse Burial Barricade'!" As the purplish-pink card flipped face-up, it showed a Hollow in Hueco Mundo, with at least a dozen rotting carcasses protecting it from a beam of energy. "What this card allows me to do, is select up to 5 monsters in my graveyard- but in this case, there will only be my Curandero Maestro- and for each one selected, I get to pick a monster on my field, and for the duration of this turn until my end phase, as long as the already selected graveyard card is equipped to that monster, all effects from traps, spells, and monsters are null and void!" As soon as the flame was spouted onto the sweating potato, an incorporeal image of the still grinning Curandero Maestro blocked the flames, leaving the other Maestro untouched.

"WHAT?!"

"Ah, I love it when things work out like they should- in _my_ favor." "Don't get cocky yet, you miserable swine! Slifer still has as much Attack points as your stupid spud! You can't kill it without killing your own monster, and even if you do, I'll just play a monster next turn and defeat you like that! But also, if you don't kill it, I draw and Slifer will STILL have enough to wipe out you and your stupid vegetable over there!" "Ooh, yeah, see, about that- Hueco Mundo makes it so that whenever my monsters fight a monster in Attack Mode, they can't be destroyed in battle." "... What kind of horse _shit_ overpowered ability is THAT-" The mime looked 5 seconds away from frothing at the mouth and having a seizure as Seto looked at him in what could almost be considered pity. "I know your pain, worm. I _know_." "But that's not all~" "Oh, what the hell is it now?!" "Every monster with the word 'Maestro' in my deck, upon fighting a monster that isn't the same Attribute as itself, gains an ADDITIONAL 1000 Attack points! Meaning-" "I KNOW WHAT IT _MEANS_ , YOU IGNORAMUS! JUST GET ON WITH _YOUR_ TURN SO THAT I CAN END YOU ON _MY_ NEXT TURN!" "Geez, someone needs a good lesson- and I think we're the best people for the job, Exequias Maestro-" God, is that a mouthful. "Let's go! RIPPLE DRIVER!"

Grinning and striking _another_ pose(If he weren't dead, I would definitely be having a word with Pegasus about this after I was done dueling.), the potato used it's freehand to root around… _somewhere_ on it's person(I don't even want to think about it-), before pulling out a strange looking glove, than it put on, and quickly started to channel energy into it, before he finally took aim, and shot forth an array of razor sharp _bubbles_. "If I wasn't already enraged beyond hope of recovery already, I'd be outraged at the fact he's going to be beating a _God_ with some _bubbles_." I heard the mime mutter as the bubbles reached the dragon of the sky and started cutting into it as they flew past, causing it to roar in pain. "We aren't done yet… I think!" I watched as the last of the bubbles fly past the dragon who now looked like it went through a cheese grater, and formed an array directly above the God, taking formation. "And now, for the finisher that will end a GOD!" I grinned as me and the potato struck the same pose that he did from earlier, right as a bit of the sun's rays hit a random bubble, causing it to shoot a rather weak looking beam of light into _another_ bubble, before it set off a chain of lights bouncing from bubble to bubble, until the now rather engorged beam hit a precariously massive bubble directly above the Dragon's body, and then shot down a _colossal_ beam of power that didn't take long to engulf the roaring dragon and annihilate it.

Mu: 0800/Marren(THAT'S NOT EVEN A GUYS NAME!): 3000

"And that is how you beat a God… Again!" Grinning and grabbing another flask now that they had cooled, I opened it and tried to drink form it, only to find the inside empty as steam from the heat that had evaporated the liquid inside brushed past my face.

Of _course_ …

"Enjoy it while it lasts, _heathen_!" The mime seethed as the rage on it's face somehow MULTIPLIED. "Because that is the last time it will happen; and your last _turn_ as well, after I am through with YOU!" "Yeah, yeah, let me just end the duel now so I can be rid of you and go get a refill- that will be on you, because your stupid red reptar decided to destroy my entire SUPPLY!" Growling at that, I snapped my fingers. "Potato, shave!" Nodding hastily, the potato then grabbed his peeler he had with him, before using it on _himself_ , leaving a thin slice of white underskin. "What, _the_ -"

Everyone watched on in shock and disgust as the potato hastily started peeling his own skin off, soon leaving him completely, for lack of a better word, _naked_. "What the hell kind of cards did you create, Setsumei?!" "Apparently, really nudist ones- alright, but back on track, there was a method to my madness!" "I'd hope so; if you scarred my brother from eating potatoes ever again for no reason, I'd have to kick your ass." "Aw, that's so nice of you-" "I mean, don't get me wrong, I still _will_ kick your ass, just not nearly as hard as I would." "That's- decidedly less nice…" "Ah, alright. I'll kick it as hard as I can!" "Gee, thanks. Anyway, as I was saying, method to madness! You see, for the measly price of all his Defense points, and shaving off half his original Attack… And apparently his literal skin, the Exequias Maestro can attack _again_! So go kill this mofo already!" Still with his glove on, the now clean shaven potato shoved his hand out, shooting more bubbles out, but this time, they weren't as sharp, but definitely heavier and denser as they hit the mime and he grunted at the onslaught.

Mu: 08-

"DON'T INTERRUPT ME, DASHBOARD! I'M ON A ROLL!" Waving my fist angrily at the sky as everyone(Even my monster-) looked at me oddly, I calmed down. "A-hem! Anyway, I hate to be a bother, but I also have to point out, that because Hueco Mundo is still in affect, my monster can now, for the price of being destroyed at the end phase of this turn, shave off even _more_ of his Attack, to attack your life points _directly_ … Or, in this case, just attack again, but that isn't as dramatic sounding so go with the other thing." Watching as the potato shaved off more of his Attack(And also more of his skin until he looked nothing more than a glorified uncooked french fry-), I noticed the shocked reaction of the mime and the almost pleased look pass across the Kaiba's face. "Go go Potato!" Snapping a hand forward, the potato snapped forward as well, running close to the mime before it jumped into the air, and finally came down on him with the peeler, shaving the rest of his life points in the process. "Aaaaaand _now_ you can pop up, dashboard."

Mu: 0800/Mime Jr.: 0000

"Really hope this corpse will have cash on it." I muttered to myself once the mime fell to it's knees, and Seto's little brother(Mocha, or something-) came running down the stairs as the dessert switched back to the city landscape, cheering. Looking back up at Seto as her kid brother walked up to the corpse(At least I'm pretty sure it's a corpse by now-) to see if what had happened, I could see the smirk on her face, probably pleased someone she considered a 'Rival'(Seriously, I hope she doesn't make everyone who beats her in a duel her rival, otherwise, the club isn't going to be small enough to rent out a small venue to party at for long.) winning over a God, and finally being(What she considered-) on even ground with her.

Probably shouldn't tell her about the rest of the cards in my deck…

"Hey!" Looking over to the side after breaking eye contact with Seto, I saw her little brother standing in front of me, trying to act as professional and dignified as possible- which only made it all the more adorable for when he failed. "As Battle City's enacting Committee Chairman, I shall judge the ante for this fight!" Rummaging through his pockets for a second, he finally pulled out the Slifer the Sky Dragon God card and a locator card, too. "As the winner, I give you this: Slifer the Sky Dragon, and the corresponding locator card to go with it." Studying it for a few moments, I just sighed and put it in my deck case like I did the Red Eye's(Speaking of, I _really_ needed to go through here and weed out the cards that didn't fit-) and put the locator card in the same pocket with my other one.

"Well, it was fun and all that jazz; you know, with you mysteriously popping up out of nowhere to watch my duel and all… Totally not stalkerish at all, by the way! Nope, not at all!" With that said, I moved to continue on my way. "But, you know me! I'm just an addict that needs his fix, and the new stupid ard of mine decided to destroy my stock, so I got to hit up the nearest convenience store, bar, or- God forbid- gas station and refuel, soooooo, bai!" "Hold it!" "And why would it be that easy?" Turning back to Seto, I found her standing near her brother now, with her duel disk at the ready. "You've got something I want, Setsumei, and to get it, all I have to do is finish my goal of beating you; killing two birds with one stone is just too good to pass up, even for someone like me." "You know something? That saying is so volatile; I mean, one minute, it can be killing the birds with one stone, and then the next, it could be YOU being killed by two birds and a stone-" "Focus! I want my God card!" "Oh yeah, well, I want my booze! So guess what I'm going to get? MY BOOZE!" "Duel me now, and I'll pay for whatever booze you want to get afterwards."

…

"Spending limit?" "Un-limited." "Then what the hell are we waiting for?! I got me some booze to win! Oh, by the way, the kid might want to get away from the walking dead mime." "From the wha- AAAAAAAAH!" Grabbing the back of the kids collar, I pulled him back as the mime started to rise back up. "The hell is wrong with you, baldy?! You scared me half to death!" "Heh heh heh…" Oh joy, 'Ominous' laughter. "Look, dude, if you're going to be a bitch about it, you can have your God card back, it's not worth the effort-" "Don't go giving away my God card to other people, moron!" " _Your_ God card? I'm sorry, I didn't know you were the one to beat a God, _twice_ without another God!" "I don't need a God card to beat your ass, down, clown!" "Not what Obelisk said last time I saw him-"

"Do not worry about my God card, Mu Setsumei Uxukie… I will have it back in soon order. But that can wait for later, because for now, I want to tell you something I had forgot to mention before..." "Oh please tell me it's not about your undying boners for duel monsters-" "I will arrive in Domino City shortly." "Oh thank god." "And when I do, my plans will be brought into motion." "Oh, I can help you with one part- the gay bars are in the northern section of the city; tell 'em Vanilla Friction sent ya, they'll treat ya right… Or not, really depends on your tastes." "Heh, cute. But no- currently, I have three views. One is of the 'Doll' you are currently talking to; the other is of the actual me about to arrive within the city, and the other-" "Is of the Rare Hunter looking directly at Anzu and Jounouchi right now, in the middle of Domino."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... Super Special Awesome Mind Crush!" Holding out a hand, and then making it into a fist, the mime's eyes suddenly widened, before they fell closed and he hit the ground, bleeding out of every orifice on his face. "Holy shit, was that a lot more brutal than I thought it would be- it was totally kick ass!" Grinning, I suddenly remembered what I was supposed to do."Ah, shit! I have to hurry!" Quickly turning back in the direction I was going to walk off in before, I bolted down the street. "Setsumei!" Not stopping to look back, I shouted over my shoulder at her. "I can't stop to duel now, Seto! It's four O'clock! If I stop now, I won't make it to the liquor stores in time for them to close!" I didn't even need to turn to know Mokuba was sweat dropping, and that Seto was facepalming.

Mostly because I could hear the sound of hand hitting hand from here.

"Can't you go 10 minutes without thinking about beer?!" "I take offense to that, Seto! It's already been 13 minutes and 57 seconds, and I haven't drank a drop SINCE!... Which is absolute torture and why I need to get my LIQUOR!" "What about your friends?!" "Oh, yeah, I guess I should check up on the little kit, as well-" "Who?! I was talking about Anzu and Jounouchi!" "Wha- oh, THEM! Yeah, I'll check-up on them too!... Preferably from a liquor store window-" I muttered the last part to myself instead of Mokuba as I sprinted out of earshot and towards the city.

"Must-Never-Run-In Gigai-AGAIN!" I panted as I finally made it back to the city center, entering an alleyway to hopefully get a shortcut to my liquor store before they closed. "Hold it!" "Oh Ra damn it, if my Obelisk damn store closes because of you distractions, I swear to Slifer, I will mount your asses on my wall!" Looking up to see who had stopped me, it was just some portly fat guy and a lanky tall moron. "Alright, I'll be honest with you guys; if I wanted to get stopped by tweedle dumb and tweedle dumb- _ass_ , I would have stayed home and done my aerobics with Acnologia and Often!" Growling to make them move didn't work out the way I'd hoped, though-

Only thing that changed was their faces and their pants freshness.

"F-F-Fool! We h-have been c-chosen by Master Marik t-t-to stop you!" "... Remind me who Marik is, again?" "Um, I think you know him as 'Malik'?" "Malik sent you guys?! Why that no good evil ass hat! I knew he'd be up to his old tricks again!" "Old tricks- didn't you only just meet him like, 19 minutes ago?" "18 minutes and 33 seconds, actually, but who's counting?" "... Uh, you?" "Exactly, which also makes it 18 minutes and 44 seconds since I have had a drink, and you _really_ wouldn't like me when I'm sober!" "Don't you mean 'Angry'-" "I BECOME THAT AND _MUCH_ MORE WHEN I'M SOBER, NUMB NUTS, SO MOVE ASIDE AND-" "W-WE CAN'T LET YOU P-PASS! M-MASTER MALIK- I MEAN MARIK'S, O-ORDERS!" "Well then." Hocking a loogie out to the side, I cracked my knuckles and moved forward. "This is gonna be fun-" "Not as much fun as it would be if we were to just beat these fools in a _duel_ , so put the guns away, clown."

Looking back, it would appear that Seto had somehow managed to keep up with me and still appear like absolutely nothing would faze her(Weird- could have sworn I peaked this Gigai's physical abilities through the roof.). "Do you have to ruin _all_ of my fun, Seto? I haven't kicked anyone's ass all _day_ , and I really just want to let loose on these punks and be done with it." "Battle City rules, moron. You either settle it with a duel, or you don't sit back and whine about it until you _do_." "Hmph. No fun at all." Though speaking of rules- "Hey, where is Mokuba, anyway?"

"... Knew I forgot something while I was running here."

 **Locator Card locations:**

 **Mu Setsumei Uxukie: 2 Locator Cards**

 **Yugi Mutou: 3 Locator Cards**

 **Mai Kujaku: 4 Locator Cards**

 **Katsuya Jounouchi: 4 Locator Cards**

 **Seto Kaiba: 4 Locator Cards**

 **?: 4 Locator Cards**

 **Marik Ishtar: 6 Locator Cards**

 **?: 6 Locator Cards**

 **Still Winnable Locator Cards: 15**


End file.
